OMG, I have been sooooo busy banging the gabel as SPEAKER in the House these past couple weeks. Gabel, this, gabel that. Gabel, gabel gabel! Now that I am the SPEAKER, so many really important people want to, like, SPEAK with me. It’s way cool.
But, OMFG, Tuesday was just freaking AWESOME!!! I got to sit in the big chair, behind President McHitlerburtonchimpymissionaccomplishedrunkcollegefratboydrugaddledmoron, while he made his stupid State of the Reunion Speech.
The television cameras were on me a lot of the time, because I looked really hot that night. The bad part was that I had to sit there and listen to Mr. Stoooooooooopid make his stoooooooopid speech, including the part where he talked about the troop splurge. Helllllo?? Mr. Stoooooooopid??? NOBODY thinks that splurging troops is a good idea. John Kerry said so, and he is really smart.
But, here’s the best part. All the while that Mr. Stoooooooopid is going on and on about the Reunion, I was text-messaging Hilly who was in the audience. It was a freakin’ HOOT!! I saved all our messages, and here they are.
Me: Hey Hilly, wassup? LOL!!
Hilly: OMFG. This is the pits!
Me: R U staying awake? LOL!!!
Hilly: I am but it ain’t easy. I was up late last night doing shots with Teddy. I feel like shit now. Ugh.
Me: Shots with Teddy? Always a riot! Did he ask you to shake your tits for him?
Hilly: Does a bear shit in the woods?
Me: So, did you give him a couple jiggles?
Hilly: Sure, and because he said nice things about me on “Meet the Press” I even let him give me a brumsky.
Me: A brumsky!!! ROFLMAO!! Hey, do I look hot tonight?
Hilly: F’n A!
Me: I know.
Hilly: I’ve been watching that boner nose Schumer. He keeps staring up there at your tits.
Me: Oh, him. I call him “Ferret Face”. You won’t freakin’ believe this shit. He sent me a dozen roses with a note that says he wants me to ride his baloney pony! LOL!!!
Hilly: No shit?
Me: No kidding, Hilly. And, he signed it “The Chuckster”! ROFLMAO!
Hilly: Too funny! Oh Jeez, Mr. Stooooooopid is still talking. I gotta pee. This sucks.
Me: I know. What R U doing after this crap is over?
Hilly: Back to my place. Wanna come over?
Me: Sounds awesome. U got any “special seasonings”?
Hilly: Ha ha. Is the Pope Catholic? I also have a few ounces of new talcum powder that Bill’s brother dropped off the other day. I think you’ll like the scent.
Me: Freakin’ AWESOME!
Hilly:Teddy just farted. I may puke. OMFG!
Me: Ewwwwwww ROFLMAO!!!
Hilly: Thank freakin’ God. It looks like Mr. Stoooooopid is finally done talking. Good thing too, b/c I gotta piss like a racehorse.
Me: OK C U later. Ur place.
So, I did go over to Hilly’s, where we drank a half dozen bottles of Cristal and sampled her special seasonings. And, oh that talcum powder was primo!!!! We were up all night sitting in Hilly’s kitchen in our panties, blabbing and taking turns banging the gabel. It was freakin’ far out! Hilly is a freakin’ pisser. LOL.!!!