Once again, I will be heading to the Post to sip a few cocktails and hang with The Usual Suspects. I’ve known most of them for about twenty years, so they definitely qualify as old friends.

Last night I attended a wedding (my Best Man’s daughter), which was attended by a handful of friends I have known since high school and at least one of them since seventh grade. I hadn’t seen them in more than thirty years. The Bride’s father didn’t tell me they were coming, and he didn’t tell them I was coming. He only told them that there would be a “surprise guest.”

Although we’ve all changed in thirty plus years, we recognized one another instantly, and in two minutes the thirty years evaporated. Everyone’s hair has turned gray to one degree or another and a couple of the guys have lost much of their hair (I took a fair amount of ribbing for having kept all of mine).

Even though everyone’s appearance had changed (thirty years will do that to you), I noticed that none of their voices had changed at all. When I closed my eyes when people were talking, it was 1968 all over again. We were seated at the same table, which gave us plenty of time to re-tell old stories, laugh hysterically and generally have a great time.

At the end of a terrific night, we exchanged phone numbers, e-mail address and promises not to let another thirty years go by (as if any of us will live that long).

I, for one, intend to keep my promise.

Dear Jimbo:

I have this problem with my wife. All she does is whine and complain about everything. She tells me that everything I do is stupid and that I’m stupid. She even calls me names. When I ask her how she would like things done, she just continues to say that she hates my way of doing things and that I’m stupid. She is spending us into bankruptcy, and when I tell her we can’t afford things, she tells me “go get a raise from your rich boss.”

Can you help me?

/s/Frantic in Freehold

Dear Frantic:

Oh, and next time around, don’t marry a democrat.

Dear Jimbo:

Dude, I live in New Jersey too!!! I read your blog every day, and I think it is way cool. I read it aloud to my pet snakes, and they always laugh and tell me how much they love your blog too. I was wondering if we could get together at your place (I’ll bring the snakes), and we could read your blog out loud together and then maybe play some guitars. I don’t know how to play guitar, but, if you have an extra one, I could pretend I’m playing along with you. The snakes would love that. What do you say, buddy?

Your pal,
/s/Randall (Call me “Randy”) Rudolf

Dear Mr. Rudolf:

I think you should move to Florida and buy yourself an alligator.

Dear Jimbo:

I figure you can help me with this problem. You see, I have an unusual hobby. I like to walk into bars and, as soon as I walk through the door I say really loud, “You’re all assholes, and I can kick the shit out of every sonofabitch in this place!”

My problem is that I’ve tried this a couple times in Jersey and got my ass kicked. The same thing happened when I crossed the river and tried out my hobby in Harlem.

I figured I’d try heading south. So, I drove to Georgia, making a couple hobby stops in Tennessee along the way. In Tennessee, I got a major beating and damned near got myself stabbed. Georgia was worse. I ended up in the hospital.

Do you have any suggestions?

/s/Rocky Randucci

Dear Rocky:

One word. … Berkeley.

Guess in which state the most expensive house sold in the United States in 2006 is.

Yes, indeed. It is New Jersey.

The 7,000 square foot house on 63 acres of property in Alpine, New Jersey was sold for $58 million by Henry Clay Frick II, “the grandson of the steel magnate who founded the Frick Collection, one of the finest collections of European paintings in the United States.”***

Being a regular Garden State property tax victim payer, I can only imagine what Mr. Frick’s annual property tax bill must have been.

***It is not all that surprising, given that Alpine is located in a very desireable part of Bergen County, which is in the northeast corner of the state and just across the Hudson River from New York. In 2005, Forbes magazine ranked Alpine 8th on its list of “Most Expensive ZIP Codes. Over the past couple of years, Alpine has attracted several well-moneyed entertainers (e.g. Wesley Snipes and Stevie Wonder) and (occasionally arrested, imprisoned, shot, or otherwise engaged in gunplay) rappers, including Fabolous, Li’l Kim and P. Diddy. Other celebrities such as Russell Simmons and his brother Joseph Simmons a/k/a “Dr. Run” of Run-DMC, live in nearby towns in Bergen County.

Given the momentous issues confronting the nation and the deep divisions among Americans concerning the proper way to address those issues, it is uplifting to see something that has been reported as bi-partisan agreement on this most important matter.

[W]ith the ascent of Nancy Pelosi, 66, widely recognized and admired for her Armani and easy fashion savvy, the days of the dowdy Washington dress code may be numbered. At least that is the hope of a number of women on Capitol Hill, Republicans and Democrats, who see Mrs. Pelosi, the new speaker of the House, as a fashion leader, too.

[snip]

During her first week on the job, Mrs. Pelosi clinched votes in the House on the minimum wage, financing for stem cell research and Medicare drug prices, drawing two veto threats (for research and drugs) from a notoriously veto-averse president.

And she did it looking preternaturally fresh, with a wardrobe that, while still subdued and overreliant on suits, has seldom spruced the halls of Congress. On Jan. 9, a Tuesday, she wore an impeccable black and white tweed skirt suit, with strong shoulders and the jacket nipped at the waist; on Wednesday, she draped a red shawl insouciantly around a red suit outside the White House; and on Thursday, she appeared in a mod, deep-blue velvet, slimming pantsuit.

Fashion authorities say Mrs. Pelosi should be applauded for her color choice (burgundy on Jan. 4, the day she was sworn in), her playfulness with jewelry (chunky, but tasteful, including signature Tahitian pearls) and her suit selection (from velvet to tweed), all of which can be imitated at a more affordable price by women who are not wealthy. Women are already taking note of her style; orders of Tahitian pearls have skyrocketed.

Tahitian Poils!!! Who knew?

What does one do when, despite a bracing walk in 18-degree weather with a stiff wind (finally!), one has nothing of particular interest to write about? Why, one writes about blogging, of course. And, when one can’t think of anything particularly profound or humorous to say about blogging, what does one do?

One categorizes and counts stuff, of course.

Which got me to thinking about where in the world the peeps come from who have found their way to my blogroll. I have, therefore, decided to list the fifty states and highlight those states that are represented on Mr. Blogroll. I have also noted those places other than the fifty states from where Peeps on the Mr. Blogroll are blogging.

Please note that there are at least a couple dozen entries on Mr. Blogroll, the home state of which I am not certain. If you are listed in Mr. Blogroll and your state is not highlighted, please let me know.

Here goes:

STATES
ALABAMA
ALASKA
ARIZONA
ARKANSAS
CALIFORNIA
COLORADO
CONNECTICUT
DELAWARE
FLORIDA
GEORGIA
HAWAII
IDAHO
ILLINOIS
INDIANA
IOWA
KANSAS
KENTUCKY
LOUISIANA
MAINE
MARYLAND
MASSACHUSETTS
MICHIGAN
MINNESOTA
MISSISSIPPI
MISSOURI
MONTANA
NEBRASKA
NEVADA
NEW HAMPSHIRE
NEW JERSEY
NEW MEXICO
NEW YORK
NORTH CAROLINA
NORTH DAKOTA
OHIO
OKLAHOMA
OREGON
PENNSYLVANIA
RHODE ISLAND
SOUTH CAROLINA
SOUTH DAKOTA
TENNESSEE
TEXAS
UTAH
VERMONT
VIRGINIA
WASHINGTON
WEST VIRGINIA
WISCONSIN
WYOMING

PLACES OTHER THAN STATES
District of Columbia
Canada
Germany
Ireland
The Netherlands
Africa

Not surprisingly, Garden Staters are the most prevalant on Mr. Blogroll. Texans (Blown-Eyeds) are next, with Georaia and Florida tied for Second and Illinois, Massachusetts, Montana and California tied for third.

Pretty amazing, the Blogosphere, no?

As the SPEAKER was nodding off while resting after her Botox treatment, working on her tan and a bottle of Cristal, Rosa, her housekeeper, was picking up empty bottles near the place where the SPEAKER was resting.

Nancy: Dammit, Rosa. Can’t you see I’m resting?

Rosa: I’m sorry Ma’am. I didn’t know you were sleeping.

Nancy: You didn’t know I was sleeping? Didn’t you see that my eyes were closed?

Rosa: No, Ma’am. I could not see your eyes, because you had them covered with – are they pickles?

Nancy: No, they’re not pickles, for Chrissake – they’re cucumber slices – organic goddamned cucumber slices.

Rosa: I’m sorry Ma’am. But, now that you’re awake, there is something I’ve been meaning to ask you.

Nancy: Well, now that you’ve screwed up my nap, you may as well ask. What is it?

Rosa: Remember a year ago when I asked if I could get a raise?

Nancy: Oh, Jesus. Is that what you want to talk about? I really don’t want to get into that shit all over again.

Rosa: I know you don’t like to talk about it, Ma’am, but I really am having trouble making ends meet on $2.50 an hour. I was hoping that you could raise my pay by a dollar an hour.

Nancy: Are you shitting me? That’s a forty percent increase!! You are one ungrateful cow! You think it’s all about money? Don’t I let you use the kitchen to make your lunch?

Rosa: Yes, but I bring my own food to cook.

Nancy: You think electricity grows on the friggin’ trees, Rosa? Christ, I give you all my old copies of People magazine, I give you two ten minute breaks a day, I give you my old lipsticks, and I let you take stale bread home to make whatever the hell it is you people make with it. On top of that you want to be paid $3.50 an hour? Don’t be ridiculous.

Rosa: Well, Ma’am. I just thought that, you know, when I saw you in the news talking about raising the federal minimum wage, you might ……

Nancy: What the hell are you saying?

Rosa: Please, Ma’am. I’m not asking to be paid the minimum wage, even though the lady at the Department of Labor said I was entitled to it.

Nancy: You called the Department of Labor?

Rosa: Don’t worry, Ma’am, I didn’t tell them who I am.

Nancy: You listen to me, bitch. You pull a stunt like that again, and I’ll ship your ass back to Shitholas, or whatever you call that dump you’re from.

Rosa: I apologize, Ma’am. It won’t happen again. I promise. But, what about the raise? I really could the extra money.

Nancy: No friggin’ way. You comprende? Now, bring me two fresh slices of cucumber and another bottle of Cristal.

Rosa: Right away, Ma’am.

After a too-long hiatus, he’s back.

Go look.

PRS Operatives have learned that Senator Barbara Boxer, in conjunction with the Democratic National Committee and MoveOn.org, is considering a plan to kidnap rescue and deprogram women and people of color who identify themselves as Republicans or, worse yet, conservatives.

The plan involves members of MoveOn.org kidnapping rescuing people such as Condoleezza Rice, J.C. Watts, Lynn Swann and Michael Steele and removing them to an isolated area in Nevada where they will undergo intense and protracted deprogramming sessions. Most of the actual deprogramming will be conducted by Al Sharpton, a well-known spokesperson for the Progressive Movement.

While many of the details of the actual deprogramming process remain unknown, we have learned that the sessions will feature a montage of pictures of slaves and battered women juxtaposed with photos of Adolf Hitler, George McHitlerburtonchimpymissionaccomplishedrunkcollegefratboydrugaddledmoron, and Dick Cheney, all against an underlying sound bed of gangsta rap. Michael Moore will help with the audio-visuals.

Senator Boxer stated, “These pathetic creatures obviously have been victimized by the cult of republicanism. We suspect that the brainwashing process may have started early in their childhood when they were forced by their uncaring parents to study and work hard. But, with the dedicated deprogramming effort, we hope to bring them back to the place where they rightfully belong. There is simply no way that these people could have made a rational choice to be a republican.”

We understand that the deprogramming faculty will also include former Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney, Maureen Dowd, and Jesse Jackson. Mr. Jackson was quoted as saying, “If you look like me, no G-O-P!! No justice, no peace!!”

Developing

As my drill sergeant used to say, “LISTEN UP, PEOPLES!”

Now that I have your attention, I would like to point out that the VA Mortgage Center Blog is sponsoring a contest for the best military blog. Among the excellent blogs in the running is Sgt. Hook, and I would appreciate it if you would head over there and cast your vote for him (He’s the fourth one down on the list).

I have been a regular reader of Sgt. Hook for almost four years now, and he never disappoints. This active duty Command Sergeant Major** has the heart of a warrior, the soul of a poet and the skills of an accomplished author.

He is up against some stiff competition, including Matt of Blackfive, a gentleman with whom I have happily shared a pint. Hell, they’re all good peeps. But, this time I’d like your help putting Sgt. Hook into the Winner’s Circle.

Yo! A woid to youse Jersey Bloggers. Youse might be interested to know that Sgt. Hook is a native of – you guessed it – The Garden State!

It won’t take long to get over there now and vote, and you’ll only have to do it once, as only one vote per IP address is permitted.

Well, what are you waiting for, gott-dammit?

**Anyone who has been in the Army knows that one does not tangle ass with a Command Sergeant Major.

Thanks to the death grip that the democrat politicians and governor have on the state of New Jersey, taxes are astronomical, job growth stinks, the state is among the least hospitable to business, and residents are leaving in droves. This New Jersey blogger lays it out, and it’s not a pretty picture.