Things I Can’t Do Worth a Shit.
I can do lots of pretty cool stuff, but I have to admit: there are some things I can’t do worth a shit. Here are a few that come to mind:
Play basketball (This is OK, because I think basketball is a dumb game)
Calculus
Fold a fitted sheet, no matter whether twin, queen or king (This, despite my being an accomplished Laundry Guy)
Get from most Points “A†to most Points “B†without getting lost. (My GPS is my BFF)
Play wind instruments
Wrap packages neatly
Iron (This lack of ability has served me well)
Play Scrabble
Remove, in one piece, that aluminum foil-looking seal from a new jar of peanut butter
Eat just one peanut
Scrabble?? Are you shitting me? I’m sorry, I don’t believe that. How are you at Trivial Pursuit? And I am totally with you on the peanut butter foil lid thing…though I know we could probably both eat a jar of PB (Skippy creamy, that’s what I’m talkin’ about) in one sitting. I know I can.
Comment by Erica — August 22, 2010 @ 9:03 am
Mmmmmm, Skippy creeeeeeamy peanut butter. Just give me a spoon and it’s gone. 🙂
Comment by JerseyJerry — August 22, 2010 @ 12:25 pm
I just wad up that bottom sheet into a square ball and put it in the closet. Seriously. It takes 4 seconds.
Comment by Bou — August 22, 2010 @ 2:33 pm
There is a very long list of things I have difficulty with….most trivial perhaps but the one thing which infuriates me is anything packaged in a bag or container neatly which is supposed to be used to store said item after you use it. I figure they must use about a 500 ton press for compressing the damn thing to get it to fit back into the handy storage bag or container it came to you in. There is no way short of destroying said item to get it back into the bag or container it came in.
Comment by dudley1 — August 22, 2010 @ 3:01 pm
The Missus does not permit me to do the laundry, thanks to the inevitable screwups involving what should or should not go in the dryer, etc.
Under duress, I will fold the laundry… but fitted sheets are like the Devil’s origami to me. NFW.
@Erica – Skippy creamy? Really? When will you grow up and graduate to the grown-up stuff: Skippy Extra-Chunky? Now, that’s peanut butter!
Comment by Elisson — August 22, 2010 @ 4:25 pm
Man does not live by peanut butter alone, some jam and jelly fills the belly.
Comment by James Old Guy — August 22, 2010 @ 4:31 pm
C’mon, Ellison, if we wanted lumps in our peanut BUTTER we’d buy peanuts. Nice, smooth, silky, peanut BUTTER. Almost a religious experience. It’s all about “mouth feel”. 😉 Now, off to the store for the 5 pound economy size……
Comment by JerseyJerry — August 22, 2010 @ 4:48 pm
WELL JIM, IT LOOKS LIKE THE MAJORITY WAS MORE INTERESTED IN THE PEANUT BUTTER ANGLE. MY SON IS AN AVID PB LOVER LIKE THE OTHER COMMENTERS – BUT I ESPECIALLY LOVE YOUR COMMENT ABOUT BASKETBALL FOR I, TOO, HAVE FOR YEARS THOUGHT IT IS A DUMB GAME = EACH TEAM RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE COURT TO SEE HOW MANY BASKETS CAN BE SUNK!!!!!!!!!!1111 AWWWGH! SORRY YOU BASKETBALL FANS! JIM, AS YOU MAYBE READ THIS, I FOUND YOUR SITE VIA BGD AND THOROUGHLY ENJOYED READING ABOUT YOUR DAYS IN BOOT CAMP BACK IN THE 60’S. BUT, I DID NOT READ ALL, THENI WENT AWAY FOR A WHILE,
Comment by MARGO — August 22, 2010 @ 6:25 pm
Play basketball (This is OK, because I think basketball is a dumb game) – I like sports of various kinds – including college basketball. But I have 2 left feet and would break something if I tried to actually play a sport.
Calculus – this I can do when I work my way up to it. I’m not in Bou’s league though.
Fold a fitted sheet, no matter whether twin, queen or king (This, despite my being an accomplished Laundry Guy) – ha this one I can do pretty well – even though I don’t like it.
Get from most Points “A†to most Points “B†without getting lost. (My GPS is my BFF) – I’m fine in the midwest – the east coast is a different story. I hate driving old path roads God only knows where they really go – I don’t.
Play wind instruments – I can’t play any instrument.
Wrap packages neatly – who wraps?
Iron (This lack of ability has served me well) – this is why God invented Dry Cleaners.
Play Scrabble – haven’t tried in years.
Remove, in one piece, that aluminum foil-looking seal from a new jar of peanut butter – I am not a peanut butter fan so I don’t do this.
Eat just one peanut – I can – I don’t like peanuts much. Of course then I’d look at the single peanut and ask if I “really” had to eat it. LOL.
Comment by Teresa — August 23, 2010 @ 1:10 pm
I can do none of those, except iron (but not well). However, I can remove a label from a beer bottle in one piece, a skill that actually increases the more beer I drink. I may fall over, but I’ll have an entire label clutching in my hand when I do.
Comment by LeeAnn — August 23, 2010 @ 1:28 pm