April 25, 2006

A 7-11 Morning.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 10:52 pm

Seven eleven cup.jpgAs is my custom, I stopped this morning at my local 7-11 to grab a cup of coffee and a pack of smokes. There was only one car in the lot when I pulled in. ”Sweet,” I thought. ”I’ll be outta there in about three minutes!” When I walked into the store, it was even better. The one car in the lot turned out to have been occupied by only one person, and that person was being waited on.

I walked briskly directly to the coffee counter and poured myself a 20 oz. black coffee. I snapped on the lid and was good to go. Money already in hand, I turned to walk to the counter. This was going to be an “in-and-out” record! This is going to be a great day.

No such luck.

It seems that the woman who was driving the one car in the lot and who was the only other person in the store, was in the process of buying an 8×11 sheet of paper full of lottery numbers. As if that wasn’t bad enough, English was not her first language.

It got worse. English was also not the first language of the guy behind the counter punching in the dizzying array of numbers, and his first language was not the same as herr first language.

It got worse yet. The lady buying seemingly every permutation of three-digit numbers (and whose first language was not English) was talking on a cell phone (in a language other than English) throughout the entire gut-wrenching process.

“Tree bippty tree, straight and box. Blah, blah, blah, blah” (in a foreign language into the phone).


“Tree bippty tree, straight and box! Blah, blah, blah, blah (in a foreign language into the phone).

“Meed-day or eeeebening?”

“What? Blah, blah, blah, blah” (in a foreign language into the phone).

“Meed-day or eeebening?”

“Oh, meed-day and eeebening. Blah, blah, blah, blah” (in a foreign language into the phone).

I stood there during a dozen or so exchanges, watching my morning slip away and wishing I had brought a razor into the store with me so that I could open a vein. Finally, a young woman emerged from the back room and took her place behind the counter, and offered to wait on me.

Before I could even point to my coffee on the counter, her cell phone rang, and, of course, she answered it. You guessed it. Her first language was also something other than English.

“Blah, blah, blah, blah (in a foreign language into the phone). Can I help you?”

“Yes, I would like the coffee and a pack of Merit, Lights in a box, please.”

““Blah, blah, blah, blah (in a foreign language into the phone)”. This was followed by a puzzled look in my direction.

“Merit Lights in a box, please. They are the ones with yellow and brown on the pack, on the bottom shelf.”

“Blah, blah, blah, blah (in a foreign language into the phone). Dees one?” (pointing)

“No, those are Kools in a green pack on the first shelf. I would like the Merit Lights in a box on the bottom shelf, please.”

““Blah, blah, blah, blah (in a foreign language into the phone). Dees one?” (pointing)

“No, the BOTTOM SHELF, please.”

“Blah, blah, blah, blah (in a foreign language into the phone)” (points again).

“NO, down two shelves.”

“Blah, blah, blah, blah (in a foreign language into the phone)” (points again).

“NO. Over to the right!”

“Blah, blah, blah, blah (in a foreign language into the phone)” (points again).

“NO. Over one more.”

“YES! That’s it.”

She rang up my purchases while still blah, blah, blah, blahing.”

If I am ever elected King, there will be a new rule. Anyone who purports to wait on a customer while talking on a cell phone will be sentenced to thirty days of solitary confinement with Yoko Ono “music” pumped into their cell twenty-fours a day.


  1. This one cuts both ways–customers waiting in line yakking on their phones gum up the works pretty good, too. Like Grouch said “Lady, I like my cigar, too, but I take it out of mouth once in a while.”

    Comment by Mike Anderson — April 25, 2006 @ 10:59 pm

  2. Hmm. Irritating morons chucking up your day and Mr. Blog slipping out of control. I think we’re going to be seeing you in a headline very soon.

    Comment by Sluggo — April 25, 2006 @ 11:25 pm

  3. Careful, she might like the Ono.

    Don’tworry don’tworry don’tworry don’tworry don’tworry don’tworry don’tworry don’tworry —


    Comment by Jack Bog — April 26, 2006 @ 3:41 am

  4. … 7-11 coffee?… you must have a deathwish….

    Comment by Eric — April 26, 2006 @ 8:07 am

  5. Toothpaste and 7-11 coffee – the Breakfast of Champions.

    Jim – PRS

    Comment by Jim — April 26, 2006 @ 8:32 am

  6. Hello Mr. Parkway.

    We concerned about you coffee select. Free country, but you mention you have Mr. Coffee. And the travel mugs. Any but 7-11. You make us wince here.

    AnonymousPRS Readers

    Comment by Anonymous Reader — April 26, 2006 @ 10:45 am

  7. LOL! Even people who speak English can’t seem to get that one right . . . “dees one?”

    Comment by oddybobo — April 26, 2006 @ 12:14 pm

  8. I offer you flabbergastion and greeting! I am the orphan son of very rich Nigerian parents. Money I have in abundantion. Alas, however, I am able not to remove said money from my country. For your help, I am seeking. If you send me your ATM pin number, and a merely $5,000 of US currently, I will propose to gift you with $10 million in grating return. I am your friend and you must trust me as friends do to friends who are friends.

    Now… you want what kind of cigarettes?

    Comment by Acidman — April 26, 2006 @ 1:52 pm

  9. 7-11 for coffee? Jim be careful! I’d like to meet you one day and that stuff’ll kill you.

    Comment by Teresa — April 26, 2006 @ 2:58 pm

  10. Man Jimbo,
    I know the feelin’. At o’freakin’ dark thirty in the mornin’ when you’d think nobody would be headin’ out, I mean the traffic lights flash yella and red ’cause it’s too early for traffic, I can pull into the Meijer’s where I get my mornin’ dose. Never failed. Somebody is either standin’ there bullshittin’ with the peeps that have been there all night, or, … they just ain’t got their shit together yet.

    Here’s what I do. You might want to try it. Quit buyin’ packs. Buy cartons. Keep ’em in the glove box. Keeps from havin’ to wait in line. Stay with me here… Then, when you want just coffee. Train the cash takers. If there’s nobody at the counter when I go in, or even if there is, I’ll leave the cash on the counter, get the coffee, roll out, and get a “Have a nice day” on my way out.

    Pay in advance when you can. It’ll save you time. I don’t know if they’ll arrest you for a .99 cent cup of coffee in NJ, but they usually let it slide down here. Especially if you left the money within’ reach of the clerk. I’m just sayin…

    Comment by RedNeck — April 26, 2006 @ 7:46 pm

  11. Pardon me here, but did you say 99 cents for a cup of coffee? I haven’t been back to the US for a few years, but that seems ridiculous. I remember when I was a kid, it was only 5 cents in most places…refils free.


    Comment by Gerald Williams — April 26, 2006 @ 8:22 pm

  12. Jerry,

    At my 7-11, a 20-ouncer is $1.33, but you can add any number of disgusting adulerants in it for free, but I take it black. Refills? Ha!

    Comment by Jim — April 26, 2006 @ 8:24 pm

  13. I read “Redneck’s” comment, and I lament that we live in NJ where
    buying a carton of cigarettes entails mortgaging your house and
    selling at least one of your children to the gypsies.

    However, a simple trasaction of purchasing a cup of coffee in the
    morning, without anyone having a private conversation on a cell
    phone does not seem unreasonable.

    Comment by "Usual Suspect Dave" — April 27, 2006 @ 3:25 am

  14. Welcome to America where our second language is English. I’ll brew my own damm coffee, capisce?

    Comment by Mick — April 27, 2006 @ 11:32 am

  15. Woe is the New Jerseyan… Where the price of a carton of smokes is neck and neck with the price of filling up your gas tank… (but the smokes last longer) 🙁

    Comment by Ed T. — April 27, 2006 @ 12:03 pm

  16. Damn it! I can’t spell in English worth a damm = damn

    Comment by Mick — April 27, 2006 @ 12:56 pm

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