Worked late. I’m beat. However, thanks to the well-lidded and close-shaven Elisson, I can share with you what clowns do in their spare time.

Now, it’s off to Mr. Recliner for a bit.

Summer is over and as has been the case for the past 15 years or so, we re-opened the Post Bar today for the regular Sunday gathering of the Usual Suspects, and other classic characters. Having the dubious distinction of being the “Bar Chairman” (which is beginning to look like a lifetime appointment – and I don’t even get to wear robes), I can report that the cooler is well stocked, and the liquor inventory has been replenished.

It is where you will find the Usual Suspects on Sundays from now through Memorial Day.

Good friends and a saloon you can call “your own.” Doesn’t get much better than that.

Yesterday, Hillary Clinton was inducted into the National Women’s Hall of Fame.

Excuse me while I puke.

I don’t sport facial hair.

In fact, I have never worn a moustache or a beard, except for brief time in the Army a zillion years ago, when I devoted about a week to growing a moustache. After just one week, I realized that: (a) the hair between my upper lip and nose was looking pretty lousy and, quite likely, would never look like a proper moustache, and (b) it was driving me nuts. I always felt like I needed a shave and that my face was never completely clean.

Off that scraggly mess came, and it hasn’t returned since. I know that if I were to try to grow a beard, it would be a repeat performance of my moustache adventure, only worse. My genes seem to be arranged to do all the thick hair stuff on my head, not on my face (or on my chest or back, for that matter). I’m good with that.

Some men wear facial hair all their adult lives, and are happy with it (and, I understand, so are their significant others). I’m good with that too. Hell, it’s their mug to do with whatever they please. However, I do wonder, particularly in the case of longish beards, whether washing one’s face is a big, pain-in-the-ass operation? Does one use a blow dryer? If not, isn’t walking around with wet hair on your face a bitch?

I think it’s fair to say that most men wear beards because they think it is becoming, and, indeed some people look good in beards. Others, however, look as I suspect that I would if I grew a beard – a face bearing a patchy and scraggly mess. Those guys I don’t get.

One of my friends told me he wears a beard because he hates to shave every day. I’m not completely buying that, unless one is talking about the Saddam-Just-Dragged-Out-of-His Rathole look or a ZZ Top type beard, where the wearer just lets it grow wild. In most cases, one has to regularly trim that sucker, which involves not only a razor, but also scissors and a fair amount of time. To me, that sounds like more of a pain in the ass than a daily three-minute zip, zip zip with a Mach III.

The facial hair guys I really don’t get are the ones who work at the perpetual one-day-of- growth look. I believe there are even special razors that are designed to keep these guys looking like homeless people. My advice to them is, “Yo, the next time you shave, stand a little closer to the blade.”

Finally, I believe that facial hair (beards in particular) add five to ten years to the wearer’s appearance. This may be cool in one’s twenties and maybe even in one’s thirties in order to go for the mature, distinguished look. However once one enters the fourth or fifth decade, who needs an additional five or ten years on their mug?

So, I salute my facially hairy friends, but it just ain’t for me.

Bonus points, if you know who the guy in the picture is. No, it’s not Rob.

I just got an e-mail, purporting to come from AOL, with the following subject line: “Your account will be suspender.”

Holy Shit!! My account might be suspender!!!

Idiots.

I won’t be using AOL to hold up my pants, nor will I be opening the asinine e-mail.

I like peeps who know real peeps. And, if one of those peeps happens to be the beer guy at the ballpark, so much the better.

John at Wait ‘til Next Year, a Chicago Cubs Fan (as if you couldn’t tell by the name of the blog), introduces us to Glenn the Beer Guy, a Great American.

Any guy who sees that you are set up before “last call” is definitely good peeps.

Note: I could not help but notice that the price of the beer in Chicago is less than it is in Yankee Stadium. Damn!

I was in the car listening to the Mayor of New York City, along with the Police Commissioner and an Assistant Director of the FBI, give a live news conference about the heightened security measures that have been taken in response to a “credible threat” of terrorist attacks in the New York City subway system.

Immediately after the live broadcast, the station played a tape of a press conference held by Chuck Schumer in Washington, which was apparently held simultaneously with the Mayor’s press conference. Chuck Schumer (who has never held a real job) had absolutely nothing to add to the information that was, at that very moment being presented by the Mayor, other than a load of useless “I’m-in-the-loop” fluff.

I am convinced that the most dangerous place in the world to be is between Chuck Schumer and a microphone or a TV camera.

Chuck Schumer, the consummate grandstanding asshole.

It’s no secret. I farookin’ hate clowns. I’m not afraid of clowns; I’m afraid of alligators. I just hate clowns.

I have company.

Via Curmudgeonly & Skeptical.

Over the past six days, I have seen three police officers in New Jersey talking on hand-held cell phones while driving their police cars. One of them was a state trooper on the Garden State Parkway. Talking on a hand-held cell phone while driving is a violation of New Jersey Law.

Memo to the Cops: Although I don’t have one of those cell phone cameras, plenty of folks do. Can you say “Six O’clock News?”

UPDATE: Thanks to reader and commenter Jim Britton for directing me to the portion of the relevant NJ Statute that provides an exemption from the ban on hand-held cell phones while driving to certain putlic officials, including law enforcement officers while in the actual performance of their official duties. The portion of the statute providing the exemption provides:

39:4-97.4 Inapplicability of act to certain officials.

The prohibitions set forth in this act shall not be applicable to any of the following persons while in the actual performance of their official duties: a law enforcement officer; a member of a paid, part-paid, or volunteer fire department or company; or an operator of an authorized emergency vehicle. L.2003,c.310,s.2.

Apologies to the officers I saw using hand-held cell phones, assuming, of course, that at the time they were not talking to their girlfriends or bookmakers. 🙂

Starting today, JetBlue will be flying out of Newark Liberty International Airport. This, of course, is good news, as it will give more Garden Staters access to inexpensive air travel on planes with landing gear that works just about all the time.