November 27, 2006

Nancy’s Diary. (Vol. 4)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:39 pm


Dear Diary,

I know it’s been a while since I’ve made an entry, but I have been sooooooo busy with important Speaker in the House stuff. But, anywhoooo, I have a few minutes, so I thought I’d catch up.

The other night I went to L.A. to see Barbra Streisand’s concert. OMFG, she is so totally awesome. In the middle of her show she announced that I was in the audience, and everyone stood up and cheered for MEEEEEE!!!!!! I couldn’t believe it – a standing croation from all those people – for me!!! Then she sang, “Happy Days Are Here Again”. Dear Diary, let me tell you; I had to choke back the tears. Too bad she has saggy tits.

How about those shitheels in the democrat carcass voting to make that asshole Steny Hoyer the Majority Leader? Miserable bastards. I’ll bet that, over the years, I’ve shown half of them my tits, and this is what I get in return?

Those bastards knew goddamned well that I wanted Johnny Murtha for the job. He is the only one who knows how to deal with that Iraq thing. I like his idea of reemploying the troops to Ogallala. Believe you me, if we do that, the tiarists will stop all the silliness. I always say, “If you want to make a friend, you have to be a friend.”

So anyway, after the vote was announced, I had to pose for a picture with that Steny creep. While the photographer was taking the picture, Steny whispered in my ear that I had a hot ass. Of course, he’s right about that, but nobody – NO-BOD-DEE with a stupid name like “Steny” gets to fondle the Pelosi booty. Well nobody, except if you have a name like “Barack”.

OMFG! Is that guy hot or what? Fondle away Baracky!! LOL. Dear Diary, I have a super seeeeecret plan. Here it is. OMG, the next time I pass Baracky in the House of the Senate, I’m going to rub my tits against him and give him a wink. The boy will be MINE! LOL!!!

Well, Dear Diary, I have to stop writing now, because my friend Hilly is on her way over and she’s bringing some bitchin’ Panama Red with her. When I asked her where she scored such primo herb, she wouldn’t tell me, but I know damned well it was Teddy. He’s always got tons of good shit at his place. LOL!

OMG, check this out. Hilly is also bringing one of those George Bush dolls.

I was like, “A George Bush doll? Why the hell are you bringing a George Bush doll?”

She was like, “We can take turns peeing on it. It’ll be awesome!”


Is she the best, or what?

Vol 1
Vol 2
Vol 3


  1. … dude…

    Comment by Eric — November 27, 2006 @ 11:38 pm

  2. Fucking A

    Comment by Yabu — November 27, 2006 @ 11:56 pm

  3. Oh God, hold me mommy … I’m scared.

    Comment by Erica — November 28, 2006 @ 12:01 am

  4. Jimbo – Nancy been hanging around with Babs too much. She’s starting to write like her.

    Comment by Denny — November 29, 2006 @ 12:54 am

  5. Denny — Based on her recent actions and statements, I believe she is as dumb as Babs. Really.


    Comment by Jim — November 29, 2006 @ 12:56 am

  6. OMFG! I still say that her and Michael Jackson have the same plastic surgeon. Crazy bitches, both of them.

    Comment by LisaKay — November 29, 2006 @ 8:57 am

  7. No, I think she and Greta have the same surgeon. He ought to be arrested for vandalism.

    Comment by Ric — November 29, 2006 @ 11:49 am

  8. If the RNC were to hire you & Denny to write their campaign material the dimocrats would never have a chance.

    Comment by dudley1 — November 30, 2006 @ 9:39 am

  9. “. . . a standing croation . . . ”

    Horrible Thought Number 2,963: These are just the kinds of infectious little phrases Jim comes up with, and over which I snork for days; they get inside my head; then one day I’ll be out in public, maybe in a serious conversation, and then CRIKEY — I’ll actually find the damned phrase slipping out, only it’s like, for real. Thanks Jim. 🙂

    Comment by dogette — November 30, 2006 @ 10:27 am

  10. It’s almost time to get down to business. Now that our side has a majority in both houses they should actually USE the subpoena power in January and launch a REAL independent investigation into 9/11.

    One thing that struck me as odd in the days after 9/11 was Bush saying “We will not tolerate conspiracy theories [regarding 9/11]”. Sure enough there have been some wacky conspiracy theories surrounding the events of that day. The most far-fetched and patently ridiculous one that I’ve ever heard goes like this: Nineteen hijackers who claimed to be devout Muslims but yet were so un-Muslim as to be getting drunk all the time, doing cocaine and frequenting strip clubs decided to hijack four airliners and fly them into buildings in the northeastern U.S., the area of the country that is the most thick with fighter bases. After leaving a Koran on a barstool at a strip bar after getting shitfaced drunk on the night before, then writing a suicide note/inspirational letter that sounded like it was written by someone with next to no knowledge of Islam, they went to bed and got up the next morning hung over and carried out their devious plan. Nevermind the fact that of the four “pilots” among them there was not a one that could handle a Cessna or a Piper Cub let alone fly a jumbo jet, and the one assigned the most difficult task of all, Hani Hanjour, was so laughably incompetent that he was the worst fake “pilot” of the bunch, with someone who was there when he was attempting to fly a small airplane saying that Hanjour was so clumsy that he was unsure if he had driven a car before. Nevermind the fact that they received very rudimentary flight training at Pensacola Naval Air Station, making them more likely to have been C.I.A. assets than Islamic fundamentalist terrorists. So on to the airports after Mohammed Atta supposedly leaves two rental cars at two impossibly far-removed locations. So they hijack all four airliners and at this time passengers on United 93 start making a bunch of cell phone calls from 35,000 feet in the air to tell people what was going on. Nevermind the fact that cell phones wouldn’t work very well above 4,000 feet, and wouldn’t work at ALL above 8,000 feet. But the conspiracy theorists won’t let that fact get in the way of a good fantasy. That is one of the little things you “aren’t supposed to think about”. Nevermind that one of the callers called his mom and said his first and last name (“Hi mom, this is Mark Bingham”), more like he was reading from a list than calling his own mom. Anyway, when these airliners each deviated from their flight plan and didn’t respond to ground control, NORAD would any other time have followed standard operating procedure (and did NOT have to be told by F.A.A. that there were hijackings because they were watching the same events unfold on their own radar) which means fighter jets would be scrambled from the nearest base where they were available on standby within a few minutes, just like every other time when airliners stray off course. But of course on 9/11 this didn’t happen, not even close. Somehow these “hijackers” must have used magical powers to cause NORAD to stand down, as ridiculous as this sounds because total inaction from the most high-tech and professional Air Force in the world would be necessary to carry out their tasks. So on the most important day in its history the Air Force was totally worthless. Then they had to make one of the airliners look like a smaller plane, because unknown to them the Naudet brothers had a videocamera to capture the only known footage of the North Tower crash, and this footage shows something that is not at all like a jumbo jet, but didn’t have to bother with the South Tower jet disguising itself because that was the one we were “supposed to see”. Anyway, as for the Pentagon they had to have Hani Hanjour fly his airliner like it was a fighter plane, making a high G-force corkscrew turn that no real airliner can do, in making its descent to strike the Pentagon. But these “hijackers” wanted to make sure Rumsfeld survived so they went out of their way to hit the farthest point in the building from where Rumsfeld and the top brass are located. And this worked out rather well for the military personnel in the Pentagon, since the side that was hit was the part that was under renovation at the time with few military personnel present compared to construction workers. Still more fortuitous for the Pentagon, the side that was hit had just before 9/11 been structurally reinforced to prevent a large fire there from spreading elsewhere in the building. Awful nice of them to pick that part to hit, huh? Then the airliner vaporized itself into nothing but tiny unidentifiable pieces most no bigger than a fist, unlike the crash of a real airliner when you will be able to see at least some identifiable parts, like crumpled wings, broken tail section etc. Why, Hani Hanjour the terrible pilot flew that airliner so good that even though he hit the Pentagon on the ground floor the engines didn’t even drag the ground!! Imagine that!! Though the airliner vaporized itself on impact it only made a tiny 16 foot hole in the building. Amazing. Meanwhile, though the planes hitting the Twin Towers caused fires small enough for the firefighters to be heard on their radios saying “We just need 2 hoses and we can knock this fire down” attesting to the small size of it, somehow they must have used magical powers from beyond the grave to make this morph into a raging inferno capable of making the steel on all forty-seven main support columns (not to mention the over 100 smaller support columns) soften and buckle, then all fail at once. Hmmm. Then still more magic was used to make the building totally defy physics as well as common sense in having the uppermost floors pass through the remainder of the building as quickly, meaning as effortlessly, as falling through air, a feat that without magic could only be done with explosives. Then exactly 30 minutes later the North Tower collapses in precisely the same freefall physics-defying manner. Incredible. Not to mention the fact that both collapsed at a uniform rate too, not slowing down, which also defies physics because as the uppermost floors crash into and through each successive floor beneath them they would shed more and more energy each time, thus slowing itself down. Common sense tells you this is not possible without either the hijackers’ magical powers or explosives. To emphasize their telekinetic prowess, later in the day they made a third building, WTC # 7, collapse also at freefall rate though no plane or any major debris hit it. Amazing guys these magical hijackers. But we know it had to be “Muslim hijackers” the conspiracy theorist will tell you because (now don’t laugh) one of their passports was “found” a couple days later near Ground Zero, miraculously “surviving” the fire that we were told incinerated planes, passengers and black boxes, and also “survived” the collapse of the building it was in. When common sense tells you if that were true then they should start making buildings and airliners out of heavy paper and plastic so as to be “indestructable” like that magic passport. The hijackers even used their magical powers to bring at least seven of their number back to life, to appear at american embassies outraged at being blamed for 9/11!! BBC reported on that and it is still online. Nevertheless, they also used magical powers to make the american government look like it was covering something up in the aftermath of this, what with the hasty removal of the steel debris and having it driven to ports in trucks with GPS locators on them, to be shipped overseas to China and India to be melted down. When common sense again tells you that this is paradoxical in that if the steel was so unimportant that they didn’t bother saving some for analysis but so important as to require GPS locators on the trucks with one driver losing his job because he stopped to get lunch. Hmmmm. Further making themselves look guilty, the Bush administration steadfastly refused for over a year to allow a commission to investigate 9/11 to even be formed, only agreeing to it on the conditions that they get to dictate its scope, meaning it was based on the false pretense of the “official story” being true with no other alternatives allowed to be considered, handpicked all its members making sure the ones picked had vested interests in the truth remaining buried, and with Bush and Cheney only “testifying” together, only for an hour, behind closed doors, with their attorneys present and with their “testimonies” not being recorded by tape or even written down in notes. Yes, this whole story smacks of the utmost idiocy and fantastic far-fetched lying, but it is amazingly enough what some people believe. Even now, five years later, the provably false fairy tale of the “nineteen hijackers” is heard repeated again and again, and is accepted without question by so many Americans. Which is itself a testament to the innate psychological cowardice of the American sheeple, i mean people, and their abject willingness to believe something, ANYTHING, no matter how ridiculous in order to avoid facing a scary uncomfortable truth. Time to wake up America.

    Comment by Enlightenment — November 30, 2006 @ 9:18 pm

  11. That Enlightnment feller sure can say a lot in one breath.

    But he has some good points.

    Comment by gwalchmai — December 2, 2006 @ 12:17 pm

  12. yahoo yahoo

    Comment by yahoo — December 17, 2008 @ 11:51 am

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