Here are some examples of daughter TJ singing, thereby reminding the old man that he’s just a saloon singer.

Dat’s my goil!

Give it a listen.

PRS Operatives have come upon a letter that was written on the campaign trail by Hillary to Nancy Pelosi (Hillary calls her “Pearl”). Behold.

Dear Pearl,

I could just freakin’ shit!

Here I am in Gopher Nuts, Iowa finally getting a short break from spending day and night going all over this godforsaken place talking to all sorts of goobers with all sorts of shit on the bottom of their boots. Do you know that they wear friggin’ overalls here? Yeah, friggin’ overalls! And, they wear those stupid baseball hats with names of goddamned tractors on them – John Doore or some shit. If I get introduced to one more guy named Zeke, or one more woman named Mabel, I’ll goddamned scream.

Then there’s the corn. OMFG! The friggin’ corn. Since I’ve been here, I’ve had to eat corn on the cob, creamed corn, corn niblets, popped corn, corn dogs (cooked in goddamned corn oil), corn soup, corn chips, corn bread, corn flakes, corn muffins, and corn chowder. Who needs this shit?

Oh, and when it’s not corn, it’s the goddamned PORK!!! I’ve eaten pork chops, pork loin, pork sausages, bacon and even goddamned pig’s feet. (I fired the sonofabitch on my staff who was responsible for the pig’s feet thing).

Speaking of pork, this is a HOOT. Some guy comes up to me and asks what I think about pork belly futures. Do you believe it? The dumbshit actually thought I know something about futures? I gave him a wink and told him I was “bullish on bellies.” He sprinted away while frantically punching numbers into his cell phone. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Oh, and another thing! Why do I have to put up with all this shit to be President? What is with the creeps in my party (never mind the rethuglican assholes)? Didn’t they get the goddamned memo? I am supposed to be the next President, dammit! Joe Freakin’ Biden? Chris Freakin’ Dodd? WTF??? I let those pricks see my tits, and this is the thanks I get?

Listen, Pearly. After spending all this time in the Land of Perpetual Cowshit Stink, I will need some serious relaxation. How about I swing by your place on the bay on the way back to Washington and (ughh) Chappaqua? Maybe you could arrange for that guy Vito (the Chippendale guy) come over for some … you know… fun. OMFG! Remember the last time we had him? I could hardly walk for a week! LOL!! Tell him to bring lots of olive oil, and also tell him I’ll pay extra to throw cabbages at his ass.

Dammit, I’ve just been told that the mayor of Gopher Nuts wants to meet me. Just freakin’ shoot me.

Call me on my cell about the Vito thing, OK?

Ta ta for now,
Hilly

P.S. I saw you on TV. You looked really hot.

Randy at A Secular Franciscan Life posted a hilarious video of a guy who gets an “F” in burglary. If you look up “Sorry Ass” in the dictionary, no doubt you’ll see this guy’s picture.

And, there is a happy ending.

Update: Sheesh, it took me two days to see a massive typo in the farookin’ TITLE. Oy!

Dear Oberhaupt MuNuvian,

Permit me a wee grouse.

First, let me express my admiration for anyone who understands cyber things well enough to pilot contraptions like servers and such. I wouldn’t know an SQL from a style sheet. Still, I, like many, if not most, of us techno-stoopids, can’t understand why computers can’t do exactly what we want when we want. This is why many Geeks lose patience with us and why many tech support peeps run high bar tabs.

Here is my wee grouse.

Many of my pals are MuNuvians. Because they are such good writers, they often inspire me to leave a comment. You know how that works. You read a good post, and instantly a witty, interesting and engaging comment comes to mind. You write the comment and sometimes even buff it up a bit to get a nice gloss on it. When you think you’ve got it right, you click “submit” or “post” (whatever). Only THEN, do you learn that Mu.Nu is being spammed and comments are not being accepted, and, what’s worse, your comment is forever lost.

Believe you me, I understand the evil that is spam, and I understand that sometimes you just must shut stuff down in order to deal with it. However, it sure would make me a much happier camper to know that comments are shut down before I take the time to compose a Pulitzer Prize caliber comment. Or, tell me that comments are not being accepted but not vaporize my comment, thereby permitting me to save my unquestionable work of literary art for later transmission. Know what I mean?

Then again, I realize that, in the big picture, a lost comment is about as important as a pimple on a flea’s heiney, and that what I would like might be instantly recognized by the cyber-cognoscenti as impossible, but thanks anyway for listening.

Sincerely,
Jimbo, the Techno-Humble Cyber Supplicant

I took this picture with my phone** from the “Chairman’s Stool” looking slightly to the right. I’ve written about this regular meeting place of the Usual Suspects and, as they say, it’s a place “where everybody knows your name”.

If you plan to be in the area, let me know. I’ll give you directions and buy you a beer (or one of the fine whiskeys that the Bar Chairman makes sure is on hand).

** “Took this picture with my phone” are words that I found comical to write. I remember when my grandmother had a party line, fer Chrissakes.

The bLOGosphere never ceases to amaze me. Here is a blog devoted to logs. No, really.

One would that that eventually fresh content might become a problem, but so far it hasn’t.

Way to go, Log Guy!

I think the Blog of Logs might be of particular interest to this fellow Garden Stater, who has kept his readers posted on the construction of his new home in Pennsylvania – one made of logs.

via KeesKennis

People sometimes ask, “Yo, Jimbo, you drink a bit of bourbon now and again. Which is a good one?”

Yes, I have sampled a taste of bourbon from time to time, and I’ve even written about some of them to one degree of detail or another (see below). Truth is, there are many good ones.

“Yeah, but Jimbo, you’re not helping me here. I need something easy to work with.”

OK, OK, already. Here’s “Da Rule”. It’s really simple, so pay attention. Are you ready?

See? I said it was simple. There are also some corkless ones that I enjoy (e.g. Jim Beam), but you wanted a simple rule. Now go forth and purchase.

Note: I have written one thing or another about the following bourbons (usually with a link) . I assembled this list as a public service. You’re quite welcome.

Bein’ President is, like, … groovy.

Picture swiped from Mostly Cajun.

Damn! Good thing I only eat two per week.

Thanks to Dave and Randy for this important health-related info. Nice to know that these Montana guys are lookin’ out for me.

Dear Diary,

OMG, I have been sooooo busy banging the gabel as SPEAKER in the House these past couple weeks. Gabel, this, gabel that. Gabel, gabel gabel! Now that I am the SPEAKER, so many really important people want to, like, SPEAK with me. It’s way cool.

But, OMFG, Tuesday was just freaking AWESOME!!! I got to sit in the big chair, behind President McHitlerburtonchimpymissionaccomplishedrunkcollegefratboydrugaddledmoron, while he made his stupid State of the Reunion Speech.

The television cameras were on me a lot of the time, because I looked really hot that night. The bad part was that I had to sit there and listen to Mr. Stoooooooooopid make his stoooooooopid speech, including the part where he talked about the troop splurge. Helllllo?? Mr. Stoooooooopid??? NOBODY thinks that splurging troops is a good idea. John Kerry said so, and he is really smart.

But, here’s the best part. All the while that Mr. Stoooooooopid is going on and on about the Reunion, I was text-messaging Hilly who was in the audience. It was a freakin’ HOOT!! I saved all our messages, and here they are.

Me: Hey Hilly, wassup? LOL!!
Hilly: OMFG. This is the pits!
Me: R U staying awake? LOL!!!
Hilly: I am but it ain’t easy. I was up late last night doing shots with Teddy. I feel like shit now. Ugh.
Me: Shots with Teddy? Always a riot! Did he ask you to shake your tits for him?
Hilly: Does a bear shit in the woods?
Me: So, did you give him a couple jiggles?
Hilly: Sure, and because he said nice things about me on “Meet the Press” I even let him give me a brumsky.
Me: A brumsky!!! ROFLMAO!! Hey, do I look hot tonight?
Hilly: F’n A!
Me: I know.
Hilly: I’ve been watching that boner nose Schumer. He keeps staring up there at your tits.
Me: Oh, him. I call him “Ferret Face”. You won’t freakin’ believe this shit. He sent me a dozen roses with a note that says he wants me to ride his baloney pony! LOL!!!
Hilly: No shit?
Me: No kidding, Hilly. And, he signed it “The Chuckster”! ROFLMAO!
Hilly: Too funny! Oh Jeez, Mr. Stooooooopid is still talking. I gotta pee. This sucks.
Me: I know. What R U doing after this crap is over?
Hilly: Back to my place. Wanna come over?
Me: Sounds awesome. U got any “special seasonings”?
Hilly: Ha ha. Is the Pope Catholic? I also have a few ounces of new talcum powder that Bill’s brother dropped off the other day. I think you’ll like the scent.
Me: Freakin’ AWESOME!
Hilly:Teddy just farted. I may puke. OMFG!
Me: Ewwwwwww ROFLMAO!!!
Hilly: Thank freakin’ God. It looks like Mr. Stoooooopid is finally done talking. Good thing too, b/c I gotta piss like a racehorse.
Me: OK C U later. Ur place.

So, I did go over to Hilly’s, where we drank a half dozen bottles of Cristal and sampled her special seasonings. And, oh that talcum powder was primo!!!! We were up all night sitting in Hilly’s kitchen in our panties, blabbing and taking turns banging the gabel. It was freakin’ far out! Hilly is a freakin’ pisser. LOL.!!!

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