July 30, 2007

Brain Farts.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:01 pm

1. Why would anyone who lives in New Jersey (particularly in Northern New Jersey) ever set foot into a Pizza Hut? Same goes for Domino’s Pizza. In Jersey, you can always find a pizzeria named Tony’s or Angelo’s where Tony or Angelo actually makes the pizza. The stuff Pizza Hut and Domino’s makes is McPizza. It may be edible, but it sure as shit ain’t real pizza.

2. Back in the day, one could go into a music store and ask to see a Fender Stratocaster, and the only choices you had to make were from among a few different colors. Not so any more. Oy!

3. Did you ever watch Iron Chef? It started out with the original Japanese version, which was beyond bizarre, what with three Japanese chefs slicing and dicing all sorts of things that are allegedly edible (once I saw a dark blue chicken — no shit), with English overdubbing. Apparently it was a success, because now there is Iron Chef America. The Asian (sort of) guy who does the handsprings and reveals what the secret thing is that the Iron Chef and the Challenger have to use as their main ingredient is seriously weird. “TONIGHT, our master chefs will employ their vast culinary abilities to prepare succulent dishes with our main ingredient (….. drum roll …. cue the fog machine … the hood lifts ….. ) GOAT!!! WTF??

4. Why would anyone with an IQ above room temperature give a shit (even a microscopic shit) about Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears or Paris Hilton? Don’t answer. It might make me puke.

5. Memo to the Maroon who drove in the left lane of a three lane highway this morning at 35 miles per hour while she talked into her cell phone, oblivious to the deadly chaos she was causing behind her: Sometimes I think it is may be a good thing that New Jersey makes a carry permit impossible to get.

6. I am having a very difficult time getting used to “tabbed browsing,” and I haven’t decided whether I like it. So far, no.

7. Blazing Saddles is the funniest movie ever made. If you disagree, keep it to yourself, because your shit is definitely not together.

8. In the most recent issue of Time *spit* Magazine, Joe *spit* Klein described Hillary as being, “…solid as granite and righteous as a bran muffin.” If that doesn’t set off your gag reflex, I don’t know what will.

9. Gentleman Jack is some damned fine whiskey — neat or on-the-rocks (with clear ice, of course).

10. I like Dick Cheney … a lot. So there!

Update: Thanks to the Wiseass Jooette for catching an incorrect link and a typo. I think that RT’s comment concerning my proper use of the plural form of “pizza” (“pizze” is what I think she meant) was also the result of a typo rather than my facility with Italian. Both typos and the misdirected link had a bit to do with Number 9 … Number 9 … Number 9.

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