May 12, 2011

Heading to the Sunshine State.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:02 pm

Every year, at about this time, the Usual Suspects descend upon our little corner of the Sunshine State, and this year is no exception. I’m sure that the guy in the local liquor store is looking forward to our visit, as I figure that we probably put one of his kids through college. Yes, there will be an abundance of adult beverages, lots of pool lounging and merciless kidding (a Jersey thing — e.g. “Yo, Shitstain!”).

Unfortunately, if one wants to enjoy the Florida sun and fun, one must remain aware that Florida is not only the Sunshine State; it is also the farookin’ ALLIGATOR state. My morbid fear of these prehistoric, man-eating beasts is known to all who come here, except perhaps recent visitors.

Because my fear and loathing of alligators is known, my “pals” in the blogosphere cannot help themselves from sending me bowel-loosening links. Here are a few samples of what I’ve been receiving:

Catfish thought it was important that I see that sitting around a pool is no guarantee of being free from a visit by alligators.

LeeAnn wanted to make sure that I don’t even feel safe indoors.

Bou and Jean took great delight is showing me an alligator that attacked a car.

As if worrying about alligators isn’t enough, El Capitan had to remind me that there are also crocodiles in Florida, but not to worry; they don’t eat people. Ha!

To all you rat bastards pals who feel compelled to send me this stuff, I wish you a serious wedgie. Other than the chlorinated, fenced-in pool, I shall avoid any body of fresh water larger than the average pancake.

I plan on bringing Mr. Computer with me, and I may even do a post or two while I’m down there doing cocktails and keeping my eye out for large, green, pre-historic, man-eating things. If not, play nice while I’m gone.

Powered by WordPress