May 25, 2011

A Dispatch From Gatorland.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 10:57 pm

Well, for just about two weeks, I have been frolicking in the sun (lots of sun), eating calorie bombs and keeping my liver in high gear processing adult beverages. I will be returning to the GAHden state in a day or so, so here is a quick wrap-up:

There were two gorilla-stompin’ storms, which, although thankfully brief, served to remind me that being here during a hurricane would be a real stinkeroo. Otherwise, the weather was terrific.

I did not see any alligators, but that isn’t surprising, given that I avoid all fresh water that isn’t chlorinated and surrounded by a sturdy fence. I did, however, see about a gazillion little shits called “skinks” (pictured above). Can’t fool me: those little bastards are nothing but micro-gators. Hate ‘em.

Oh, and one night a farookin’ BOBCAT walzed through the property. I only saw it for a couple seconds, but I could see that it was as big as a damned dog, but it wasn’t a dog; it was a farookin’ cat! I immediately went to the computer to pull up a picture and then confirmed that bobcats are all over Florida. Yeef! This place is a regular Wild Kingdom, and I sure as shit ain’t Marlin Perkins.

I did manage to avoid much of the news, which is good for my blood pressure, and at the hour when the world was supposed to come to an end, I was in the pool with the Usual Suspects doing cocktails. We all figured that if the world was going to end, we were in a good place, and we’d all go down together.

As we now know, the world didn’t end, but the vacation is coming to an end. Yeah, I know. Yo, Jimbo, you’re retired. Vacation? Vacation from what?

See youse guys soon.

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