Yes, at Jimbo’s Deli, we pride ourselves on maintaining an innovative menu, and we believe that every great sandwich deserves a name. Our prior offerings are here and here. Behold our latest additions:

ENJOY!

The Cap and Trade Wrap
Limburger cheese, drizzled with a fetid brown sauce and wrapped in baloney. As a special feature, we don’t tell you the price until you’ve eaten it!

The Hope and Change
This is a popular menu item with our younger customers. For $15.00, you place your order for a sandwich and hope you get it. Don’t expect any change. It’s fun!

The Stimulus Sandwich
This belly-buster contains nothing but a full pound of hot, steaming pork. Most people skip the bread with this deli delight.

The Health Care Special
For a modest price of $25.00 we’ll serve you what we think you should eat. The food itself is free! Note: People over 65 with chronic health conditions may not be served anything.

The Climate Change Coprophagia Supreme
This is hugely popular with our customers who are avid followers of the Gospel of Al Gore. This truly unique offering consists of a man-sized portion of prime, fresh bullshit piled between two slices of bread made from wheat that is organically grown in a hand-tilled, carbon emission-free field. Note: We hope you understand that we can only serve this sandwich “to go.”

It has been quite some time since Jimbo’s Deli updated its menu of specialty, celebrity-named sandwiches. We offer here an alternate version of the Ted Kennedy and six brand new entries. Without further ado, they are as follows:

The Ted Kennedy 2
A whopping pound of pan-seared sperm whale blubber served with an entire loaf of spongy white bread.

The Spitzer
Five-Diamond, well seasoned young tuna on sourdough bread. (Full payment in advance required)

The McGreevey
Two hot dogs in one soft taco. (Served with special TGIF relish)

The Sharpton
Hog jowls (greasy, like you like ‘em) topped with baloney and served on stale bread.

The McCain
Nothing but a heaping portion of freshly picked lettuce served on thick crusted white bread.

The Jeremiah Wright
Piles of turkey (no Goddamned white meat!) served on cornbread.

The Obama
One slice of black bread and one slice of white bread with nothing inside.

Taking a cue from the famous Stage Deli in New York City, which names its sandwiches after famous people, Jimbo’s Deli is pleased to offer the following for your dining pleasure:

The Hillary
A jaw-dropping portion of thigh meat, covered with our special “Pretty-in-Pink” sauce and topped with a extra-thick slice of baloney.

The Ted Kennedy
Piles of fatty corned beef, covered with limburger cheese and served between two slices of doughy bread, and the whole thing is marinated in Chivas Regal Scotch. Special Chivas Regal dipping sauce is optional.

The John Kerry
Note: Please check with your server, as the contents of this sandwich change daily, sometimes hourly. However, the “John Kerry” is always served between two warmed over stale waffles.

The Jimmy Carter
Fresh-killed goat, Palestinian figs and chopped peanuts served on anything but Zionist Jewish rye.

The Nancy Pelosi
Special San Francisco hummus layered between two slices of multi-grain flatbread. Note: We regret that the law does not permit us to serve Speaker Pelosi’s “special seasonings”, but you are invited to bring your own. Be sure to plan on a big dessert.”

The Britney Spears
A plain taco. Tuna is optional.

… you know, I just don’t get these Jersey guys… I really don’t… take Vinnie for instance, what an asshole… see, Jimbo asked me to come around every so often to make sure that his Bourbon didn’t get lonely while he was away… and that is just what I was doing the other night…

.. quietly minding my own business out on his deck, I was contentedly listening to my darling Patsy croon when Vinnie rounded the corner with a shovel in one hand and a half-burned cigar in the other…

Vinne: What da fuck?!… Who day a tink YOU are?… Where’s Jimbo?.. and where are your farookin’ pants?!

Me: … Howdy…. I’m Eric.. Jimbo is down in Florida hiding from gators and drinking vodka with a bunch of geriatrics that he knows… he asked me to…

… the burly Jerseyite curtailed my explanation.. Vinnie obviously didn’t like me almost immediately… which is a bit strange, really… usually it takes people a few hours before they decide they want to kick my ass…

Vinne: … You’re not from around deese parts, are ya, Ricky?… so Jimbo is in Florida, eh?… well, where are your farookin’ pants, redneck?…

… just between you and I, Vinnie was starting to get a bit active with the shovel… one could almost say that “brandishing it” was not far away on the horizon….

Me: …. Don’t get upset, sir… it’s all above-board, I promise… and you can trust Uncle Eri.. umm, never mind…. and yes, I’m from Tennessee… and my pants are on the kitchen table next to the Indian carry-out I’ll be enjoying for dinner…. but I’m no Redneck, sir… he’s this OTHER guy from up in Ohio somewhere…. see, I’m a guy Jimbo met from off of the internet… we bonded down in Helen, Georgia a few years ago over a few half-gallons of homemade Apple Brandy… and since then, well, we’ve been pals…

Vinnie: … Shaddup, redneck!… go inside and put your pants on… youse is making Jimbo’s deck look like a scene from “Deliverance”… wait… I tink I heard about dis from some guy over at The American Legion… are you the lowlife who painted Jimbo’s toenails red?…

Me… HAHA!… nope.. that wasn’t I, my New Jersey friend, that was someone else!… I just took the pictures!… hey, you want a Krisy Kreme donut?… I carried them all the way up to New Jersey from Tennessee to hand out as “Friendship Tokens“… here, have one… they’re yummy!…

… well, that is all I can remember right now…. well, that and the “ding” of that shovel smashing against my noggin…. I woke up a few hours ago laying duct-taped in the kitchen with a strange dream-like memory of guys with New Jersey accents laughing about some guy named Jimmy Hoffa and some parking lot… and something about Jimbo’s crawlspace and “paying off his markers“…. I must have been out for a day or so…

… I’m not sure I’m cut out to be chilling in Jimbo’s pad… but one thing is for sure… once I get a shower and clean off this duct tape residue, I’m keeping my damn pants on… these guys up here just don’t know how to relax…