Yes, that’s me. Captain Power Wash (spoken in a deep baritone and pronounced CAPTAAAAAAAAAIN POWWWWER Wash).

A few days ago, I wasn’t Captain anything, but in no time, I skyrocketed to the rank of Captain Power Wash, skipping right over the rank of Lieutenant Power Wash. Here’s how it happened.

My deck had become rather dingy looking and was in need of some serious power washing. In years past, I hired someone to do the honors. Since then, my friend, Usual Suspect Jeff, bought his very own power washer. Having watched the hired power washers do their stuff, I boldly figured that I might just be able to handle the job myself.

I called Jeff and asked if I could borrow his power washer.

“Absolutely,” he said and was even kind enough to drive it to the House by the Parkway in his truck. He showed me how to hook up the hose and the water blaster piece, then he showed me how to fire up the gas engine, and finally how to actually use the thing.

We did a bit of the deck together and then he left me on my own. That’s when I began gleefully blasting the grime off the deck and, amazingly enough, enjoyed the process. BLAST here!! BLAST there!! I was blasting my ass off. Ol’ Junior, who is NOT MY CAT, took one look at Captain Power Wash’s blastfest and .decided to go elsewhere for dinner.

Yo, Jimbo, you’ve never been a do-shit-around-the-house guy. What’s up with this?

Fair question. Here’s the deal:

1. It’s a bit like shooting a rifle. In New Jersey we can purchase high-powered rifles (after going all the legal hoops), but discharging them anywhere in the state could get you arrested. Goofy, I know, but that’s the way it is. The water blaster piece of the power washer has the feel of an assault rifle with a foldable stock. It even produces a little bit of a satisfying kick when you pull the trigger and blast away. BLAST!

2. It’s not as dangerous as a chainsaw or other power tools. I don’t do chainsaw and most power tools. Sure, if you were to blast away at your toes, with the blaster, it would not be cool, but I don’t think I’m likely to lop off any extremities with the blaster. Not so with a chainsaw. You want something chainsawed, call this guy. You want something power washed, call Captain Power Wash.

3. It actually cleans dirt away, big time. I hate breaking my ass “cleaning” something only to see that, once you’ve finished, it doesn’t look one damned bit different than it did before you started. As you can see from the photo of the deck above, Captain Power Wash really cleans shit, big time. BLAST!

I just finished the deck project, and I hate to return the blaster to Jeff, because I can already think of lots of things that need power washing, such as every rat bastard politician in Trenton.

Perhaps I shall buy my own power washer and blaster and design a super hero costume for Captain Power Wash. No spandex, or course (yeef!).

OK, I admit it. I do from time to time check to see what kind of crap Maureen Dowd is peddling. It is not unlike picking at a scab. I find myself going back more often now that she has taken to giving democrats a hard time.

Anyway, on Sunday, Ms. Dowd wrote about another one of Barack Obama’s attempts to woo primary voters by convincing them that he is just a regular guy:

Bleeding white voters in North Carolina and Indiana, the Illinois senator [Barack Obama] headed Thursday evening to V.F.W. Post 1954 in North Liberty, Ind., consisting of a bar, a pool table, a Coors Light clock and a couple of dozen curious white guys.

Checking out what the vets were drinking, he announced, “I’m going to have a Bud.” …

I don’t know anything about V.F.W. Post 1954 in North Liberty, Indiana, but I do know about our American Legion Post. It also consists of a bar, a pool table, a lighted clock and, on any given Sunday, a dozen or so guys, virtually all of whom are Viet Nam/Viet Nam Era Vets and members of the Post.

Based upon my knowledge of the politics of the guys, I feel safe in assuming that if Barack Obama were to show up at the door of the Post on any given Sunday, he would politely be told that the Post Bar is open to American Legion members and their guests, and that he is neither.

Nobody at the Post is buying what he’s selling.

Busy……..

Now, off to the Post to hang with the Usuals.

Maybe later, maybe not.

The Carbon Offset Scam, Biofuel Baloney, Democrats, Dirt and more. Doug Ross has it wired.

Think a minute about the idiomatic expressions, “going to the bathroom” and “went to the bathroom.”

WTF?

Consider:

Doctor: Are you having difficulty going to the bathroom?

Patient: No, I get there just fine, but once I’m there I can’t seem to shit.

Or,

Doctor: So, when you go to the bathroom, what color is it?

Patient: It’s this sickening pink with black trim that was popular in the sixties.

Or,

Joe: Jeez, I heard ol’ Ed was at work and he went to the bathroom in his pants.

Pete: Not exactly. He tried to go to the bathroom, but before he could get there he shit in his pants.

Or,

Q: Did you go to the bathroom in your pants?

A: I generally go everywhere in my pants.

Or,

The baby went to the bathroom in his diaper.

Yo, the kid’s three weeks old. He can walk?

Or,

Dammit, the dog went to the bathroom upstairs!

Huh? The bathroom is downstairs.

Conclusion: There simply is no accounting for why I think of this kind of goofy shit.

Lebanon, Indiana. Barack Obama, having recently disassociated himself from Jeremiah Wright, his pastor for more than twenty years, Obama today announced that he is divorcing his wife, Michelle.

In a hastily-called press conference, Senator Obama stated, “Today I have commenced divorced proceedings against my wife, Michelle. It was a difficult decision, but many of her recent statements about America are divisive and do not represent my views. This is not the woman I have come to know over the past sixteen years. Her unfortunate statements serve only to distract Americans from the issues that are critical today for the future of the United States.”

Senator Obama refused to answer a virtual barrage of questions from shocked members of the press, stating that he was already late for his next campaign stop, which will be at a local gun club for skeet shooting and prayer.

Get you a cherry coke and check out a piece of my yoot. It’s a shame that many of youse peeps missed it. There were no computers or cell phones then, but somehow we managed just fine, thank you.

Thanks to Usual Suspect Jeff, da Chef a da Future.

Let me just say that if Junior (who is NOT MY CAT) pulled this shit, it would mark the end of the gourmet morning and evening victuals and a place to sleep off his nighttime carryings on, the particulars of which I dare not consider.

Farookin’ cat.

Thanks to my pal Randy for the pic.

Fort Wayne, Indiana. Senator Clinton stunned her supporters at a campaign rally today when she announced her withdrawal from the Democrat Primary and her endorsement of John McCain for President and her intention to actively campaign for the Senator from Arizona.

Senator Clinton explained to a virtually silent crowd, “I’m sick and tired of hearing those say that by staying in this primary race I am somehow damaging the Democratic Party. I have given this considerable thought, and I have concluded that if the party is hell bent on nominating a no-experience, platitude blathering pal of domestic terrorists, a racist minister and common criminals, go for it. I will team up with Senator McCain to crush Senator Obama and the Democratic Party in November.”

A spokesperson for the McCain Campaign stated, “Senator McCain is extremely happy with Senator Clinton’s endorsement. Senator McCain and Senator Clinton share the same views on many of the issues that are important to the American people.”

When asked if Senator McCain would consider Senator Clinton to be his running mate, McCain’s spokesperson responded, “Senators McCain and Clinton have what they have described as ‘friendly and productive discussions’ about the possibility of being running mates. Let me just say that a McCain – Clinton ticket is a real possibility.”

Details.

Imagine having a couple three vodkas and taking this stroll.

Keep in mind that the person doing the walking was simultaneously shooting the video.

Yeef!

Thanks to Mike, the Computer Mavin, for the bowel-loosening link.

Update: More info on this locale here.