For the first time ever, the soldiers who guard the Tomb of the Unknowns were granted permission to abandon their posts to take shelter during yesterday’s hurricane.

They refused.

Read about it at TacJammer.

Roberto, at Dynamobuzz, and his wife are the proud parents of a new baby girl. Take a look at the pics, and while you’re there welcome Liliana Faith to the world.

The comments vanished! Right in the middle of a scintillating peanut butter discussion too. Damn!

Update: They’re back. You may resume talking.

For the 9+ months I have been at this, I have often seen people posting answers to the “Friday Five.” I’ve often wondered where the Friday Five come from. I have no idea. Are they like dirty jokes (no disparagement intended), in that they just seem to pop up out of nowhere. Some used to say that dirty jokes are born in prisons. I tend to doubt that, because the prisons I have visited (just visiting, mind you) did not strike me as being the kinds of places where the residents sat around composing jokes. I could be wrong, but I don’t think so.

Except for one time, I have never posted answers to the Friday Five, but I feel up to answering a few questions tonight. So, rather than searching all over the blogosphere for this week’s Friday Five, I thought that I would write my own very probing questions and provide you with my most thoughtful answers.

Without further ado, I give you Jimbo’s Do-It-Yourself Friday Five:

Question Number 1: Have you ever considered adding sawdust to your food as an inexpensive source of fiber?

Answer: No.

Question Number 2: Have you ever thought about putting numbers on your socks so that they could be properly rotated at pre-specified times, thereby increasing their useful life?
Answer: No.

Question Number 3: Wouldn’t it be, like, way cool to carry a spit can and spit in it for a whole day it instead of swallowing?
Answer: No.

Question Number 4: Wouldn’t it be really exciting to drive through a tollbooth on the Garden State Parkway at 90 miles per hour? I mean, it would be like landing on an aircraft carrier. You know what I mean? You would have to line everything up just right and shit like that. Oh man, how cool would that be?
Answer: No.

Question Number 5. Don’t you think that it would be an uplifting experience to spend twenty-four consecutive hours in the men’s room at the Port Authority Bus Terminal in New York City meeting and greeting those who come to pee?
Answer: No.

That was a bitch. I hate hard questions.

If it were up to me, the person who invented peanut butter would have been awarded the Nobel Prize. I have eaten and loved the stuff just about as long as I can remember. Hell, I think that I ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches most days for lunch from kindergarten through eighth grade and possibly even longer. There is always a generous supply on hand in the House by the Parkway.

Perhaps the Swedes might find it difficult to find a category that would apply to the invention of peanut butter, but remember that these are the same folks who awarded the Peace Prize to Jimmy Carter and Yasser Arafat. I can tell you that peanut butter has brought me a helluva lot more peace than either of those two asshats ever has.

Still, it might be difficult to sort out just who gets credit for “inventing” peanut butter. It all started in about 1890 when a St. Louis doctor asked a local food processor to grind up peanuts for his patients who needed protein, but who lacked the robust dentition necessary to chew a steak. Then, in 1895, the Kellogg brothers (one of them of cereal fame) got into the act by managing to get a patent for “The Process of Preparing Nut Meal,” which resulted in what was described as “a pasty adhesive substance that is for convenience of distinction termed nut butter.”

Although the Kelloggs might technically have dibs on the Prize, their process provided for the steaming, rather than the roasting of the peanuts before grinding. Peanut butter, as we know it today, was first introduced by C.H. Sumner at the Universal Exposition in 1904 in St. Louis, where he sold a bunch of it as his concession stand.

Things have changed quite a bit over the last 99 years. Now, peanut butter is in the kitchens of more than 75% of the nation’s households. In fact, the average American household consumes 6 lbs of peanut butter per year. That works out to about 570 million pounds of peanut butter per year, which is enough to cover the floor of the Grand Canyon. Americans spend approximately $800 million per year on peanut butter.

Read all about it here and here.

OK. The history lesson is over. Now, let me tell you the real deal on peanut butter.

I have often been asked, “Yo, Jimbo, if you were stranded on a desert island, and you could only have one of your favorite foods, what would it be?” Pizza? Maybe. Tacos? (I learned to make them from a Southern Californian.) Maybe. A Jersey Sub (known to some of you, for God knows what reason, as a “hogie” or a “grinder” or a Po’ Boy”). Maybe. But, given a couple minutes of thought, the answer has got to be peanut butter.

While pizza, tacos, and subs may be wonderful, they are not versatile. By contrast, peanut butter is a gourmet treat on damned near anything. And, I’ve eaten it on damned near everything. Here’s a sampling (with a recommendation or two):

On Bread
Squishy Wonder Bread (kids like this the best)
Hard rolls (Some call these “Kaiser rolls.” What the hell is that about?)
Rye bread (not the fakey stuff wrapped in cellophane, but the real Jersey/New York Jewish or Russian rye.) Having good teeth is important here.
Biscuits (excellent when hot)
English muffins (The peanut butter floods into the nooks and crannies.)
Bagels (Oy!)
Whole wheat (when fiber is a concern.)
Hot dog and hamburger rolls (when there is no other kind of bread in the house, these will do.)

On Crackers
Ritz crackers (Acidman has written lovingly of this taste treat.)
Nabisco Saltines (Before you know it, a whole sleeve of crackers is gone.)
Triscuts (Be still my heart.)
Cheeze-Its (a little tricky to handle, but great in a pinch.)
Wasa Crackers (sort of “healthy” fiber-rich crackers.) – Excellent.
Graham crackers (absolutely.)

On other things
Rice cakes (for the calorie conscious.)
Bananas (sliced longitudinally or smear as you eat.)
Apples (also good with raisons sprinkled on top)
Celery (I admit it.)
Pretzels (Yowza!)
Jelly donuts (You know you’re in trouble.)
Chocolate covered donuts (Deep, deep trouble – clearly the sign of a PB Junkie)
On just a spoon or knife – for the true purist.

What to drink with peanut butter?
Milk (On balance, probably the beverage of choice.)
Coffee (Particularly good with a PB breakfast.)
Tea (Good late at night.)
Soda (“pop” or “tonic” for those of you who don’t know what a soda is) – Excellent.
Beer (I’ve done it in a pinch, but until now, I have not admitted it.)

A word about jelly.
I’m for it. There is, of course, the old standby – grape. However, I have come to appreciate other flavors such as: apple, blueberry, strawberry, raspberry, black cherry, current (red and black), apricot, pineapple and peach.

What brand of peanut butter?
Skippy. I’ve tried others, including the fancy-schmancy, healthy ones that you have to stir before eating. Nope. Skippy is the one – the only one.

When can one eat peanut butter?
Breakfast
Lunch
Dinner
In between any of the above
In the wee hours of the morning, when you need something to absorb the alcohol.

Finally, one of the particularly great things about peanut butter is that it is a genuine American food. Other countries are catching on, but they have a way to go. When I spent six weeks in Switzerland several years ago, I began to suffer peanut butter withdrawal. I scoured the local “supermarket” in Basel and ultimately found a jar of Swiss “Erdnussbutter.” It was goddamned pedestrian compared to a jar of Skippy, but for me, it was like finding the Holy Grail.

So, if you find yourself feeling down on the U.S.A., I suggest that you get yourself a big glass of milk, a chocolate covered donut, a knife, and a jar of Skippy. It will remind you how great it is to be an American.

Oh, and one more thing. There is no way that I could write this much about peanut butter without providing this link. Go ahead. Click it. You know you want to.

Check out Babel On! The author, who immodestly calls himself “Supergenius,” (but who, in truth, is a very nice, unassuming guy, and who happens to be very smart), is on his way to Iraq, where he will be teaching Democracy 101 to the Iraqis. He posted some nice pictures of Kuwait, where he made a brief stop. He will be heading for Baghdad tomorrow.

I am looking forward to hearing, first-hand, from someone whose job it is to try to bring democracy to Iraq.

I wish him well.

Sheb Wooley, who perhaps was best known for writing and singing “Purple People Eater” in 1958, died yesterday at age 82. Born in Eric Oklahoma, he had a long career that included writing music, making records and appearing in numerous television shows (e.g. Rawhide) and in movies, such as High Noon, Outlaw Josie Wales, Giant, Rio Bravo, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Starman, and Hoosiers.

He had been ill with leukemia, but he managed to attend Johnny Cash’s wake last week.

Although his popularity waned in recent years, he remains one of great country entertainers.

R.I.P., Sheb.

I am suffering from a bit of brain fry right about now. Consequently I don’t have anything very interesting or amusing to contribute. As luck would have it, I received, via e-mail, quite possibly my one-millionth lawyer joke. I figure that this makes one million and one, and it is amusing enough to share. With any luck you too will like it and let me off the hook for having nuttin’ of my own tonight.

A truck driver was driving down the highway when he saw an elderly priest at the side of the road. He stopped to give him a ride. Further down the road the truck driver saw a lawyer along the side of the road and turned the truck on a direct course to hit him. Then he thought, “Wait, I have a priest in the truck, I can’t run down that lawyer.”

So at the last second the truck driver swerved to miss the lawyer. Although he thought he hadn’t hit the lawyer, the truck driver still heard a thump outside of the truck. He looked in his mirror and saw the lawyer lying unconscious on the side of the road. Ashamed for what he had done, the truck driver turned to the priest and said, “I’m so sorry Father, I really tried to miss that lawyer.”

The priest said, “Don’t worry son, I got him with my door.”

That’s all, y’all. Rim shot.

Thanks to my friend Ron, the retired police officer and Brown Water Navy Vet.

Blogspeak, the comments provider, notified its users that, because of a server switch, some comments may be lost. So, if you left a comment within the last twenty-four hours and it does not currently appear, that is why. We have also been advised that there may be some comments outages resulting from the provider’s working on some upgrades. So far, I have really come to like having a comments feature, and I don’t even mind the technical glitches, because the provider so far, has kept its users abreast of what is happening.

I do my fair share of bitching about the Garden State. However, I have lived here all my life, and I don’t have any immediate plans to move. That’s because, despite the traffic, political corruption, freezing winters, stifling summers, Robert Torricelli, Frank Lautenberg, John Corzine, and Governor McGreevey, it’s a great place to live.

With that said, here are some interesting things about New Jersey, some of which may surprise you, that I received in an e-mail from a high school classmate: (The bracketed comments are mine.)

New Jersey is a peninsula.

Highlands, New Jersey has the highest elevation along the entire eastern seaboard, from Maine to Florida.

New Jersey is the only state where all of its counties are classified as metropolitan areas.

New Jersey has more racehorses than does Kentucky. [These are largely in the part of the state also famous for the manufacture of Laird’s Apple Jack whiskey.]

New Jersey has more Cubans in Union City (1 sq. mi.) than does Havana, Cuba.

New Jersey has the densest system of highways and railroads in the US. [And probably the most farookin’ traffic.]

New Jersey has the most diners in the world and is sometimes referred to as the Diner Capital of the World. [Fridays and Saturdays at about 3:00 a.m., are a special treat.]

New Jersey is home to the original “mystery pork parts” food (no, not Spam): Taylor Ham also known as Pork Roll. [You non-Jersey folks can order it online here.]

New Jersey is also home to the less mysterious but best Italian hot dogs and Italian sausage w/peppers and onions. [Best eaten “down the shore.”]

North Jersey has the most shopping malls in one area in the world, with seven major shopping malls in a 25 square mile radius. [Traffic during Christmas season is really joyous.]

New Jersey is home to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. [This pisses New Yorkers off. Tough shitsky.]

The Passaic River was the site of the first submarine ride by inventor John P. Holland.

New Jersey has 50+ resort cities & towns, some of the nations’ most famous: Asbury Park, Wildwood, Atlantic City, Seaside Heights, Long Branch & Cape May. [These are just some of the places “down the shore.”]

New Jersey has the most stringent testing along our coastline for Water Quality Control than any other seaboard state in the entire country.

New Jersey is a leading technology & industrial state and is the largest chemical producing state in the nation when you include pharmaceuticals.

Jersey tomatoes are known the world over as being the best you can buy. [I know that some will take issue with this, but it happens to be true. So there.]

New Jersey is the world leader in blueberry and cranberry production (and here you thought Massachusetts?)

Here’s to New Jersey-the toast of the country! In 1642, the first brewery in America opened in Hoboken. [‘nuf said.]

New Jersey rocks! The famous Les Paul invented the first solid body electric guitar in Mahwah in 1940.

New Jersey is a major seaport state with the largest seaport in the US, located in Elizabeth. Nearly 80% of what our nation imports comes through Elizabeth Seaport first. [And there is absolutely no organized crime there. /sarcasm]

New Jersey is home to one of the nation’s busiest airports at Newark Liberty International. [The Pearl of the East.]

George Washington slept here. Several important Revolutionary War battles were fought on New Jersey soil, many led by General George Washington.

The light bulb, phonograph (record player) and motion picture projector, were invented by Thomas Edison in his Menlo Park, New Jersey laboratory. [We also have a town named Edison.]

We also boast the first town ever lit by incandescent bulbs.

The first seaplane was built in Keyport, NJ.

The first airmail (to Chicago) originated from Keyport, NJ.

The first phonograph records were made in Camden, NJ

New Jersey is home to the Miss America pageant held in Atlantic City.

The game Monopoly, played all over the world, named the streets on their playing board after the actual streets in Atlantic City.

And Atlantic City has the longest boardwalk in the world.

New Jersey has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the Middle East countries. [We worry about that sometimes.]

The first Indian reservation was in New Jersey, in the Watchung Mountains.

New Jersey has the tallest water tower in the world. (Union, NJ)

New Jersey had the first Medical Center, in Jersey City. [Jersey City and Hudson County have a rich history of political corruption that many places have unsuccessfully tried to duplicate.]

The Pulaski Skyway, from Jersey City to Newark, was the first highway of its type.

NJ built the first tunnel under a river, the Hudson. (Holland Tunnel).

The first organized baseball game was played in Hoboken, NJ, which is also the birthplace of Frank Sinatra.

The first intercollegiate football game was played in New Brunswick, NJ in 1889. (Rutgers College played Princeton) [Rutgers won.]

The first Drive-in Movie theater was opened in Camden, NJ.

New Jersey is home to both of NEW YORK’S professional football teams.

The first radio station and broadcast was in Paterson, NJ.

All New Jersey natives: Sal Martorano, Jack Nicholson, Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Jason Alexander, Queen Latifa, Susan Sarandon, Connie Francis, Shaq, Judy Blume, Aaron Burr, Joan Robertson, Ken Kross, Dionne Warwick, Sarah Vaughn, Budd Abbott, Lou Costello, Alan Ginsberg, Norman Mailer, Marilynn McCoo, Flip Wilson, Alexander Hamilton, Whitney Houston, Eddie Money, Linda McElroy, Eileen Donnely, Grover Cleveland, Walt Whitman, Jerry Lewis, Tom Cruise, Richard Wojewodzki, Joyce Kilmer, Bruce Willis, Caesar Romero, Lauryn Hill, Ice-T, Nick Adams, Nathan Lane, Sandra Dee, Danny DeVito, Richard Conti, Joe Pesci, Joe Piscopo, Robert Blake, John Forsyth, Meryl Streep, Loretta Swit, Norman Lloyd, Paul Simon, Jerry Herman, Gorden McCrae, Kevin Spacey, John Travolta, Phyllis Newman, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Eva Marie Saint, Elisabeth Shue, Zebulon Pike, James Fennimore Cooper, Admiral Wm.Halsey,Jr., Dave Thomas(Wendy’s), William Carlos Williams, Ray Liotta, Robert Wuhl, Paul Robeson, Ernie Kovacs, Joseph Macchia and of course………Frank Albert Sinatra and “Uncle Floyd” Vivino.

Thanks to Marolyn.