October 7, 2008

Good Eats?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:20 pm

I found this food meme over at Elisson’s Place a while ago (Elisson being a food swashbuckler — he’s eaten whale fer Chrissake), and I’ve meaning to get around to it. The meme’s origin is here, and it is called 100 Things You Should Eat Before You Die.

After having examined the list, I would be quite happy to throw the sixes without ever having eaten some of these gems. If I fail to fully or even partially identify some of the items on the list, you can hop over to the previous link for an explanation (and sometimes a picture).

Let’s get started, shall we? I’ve indicated the things I’ve eaten in boldface.

100. Venison
Ate it once in Germany, after lots of beer. I won’t be eating it again.

99. Nettle tea
Sounds thorny to me.

98. Huevos rancheros
I have not tried them, but I know I’d like them, because I like the ingredients.

97. Steak tartare
Raw, ground steak with spices and a raw egg in it. I tried it once in Germany. It felt raw. I damned near gagged. If it were cooked, it would be good.

96. Crocodile
Anyone who has spent more than a week or two around here knows the answer to that question. Of course, crocodile = alligator for purposes of this meme. Blecch.

95. Black pudding
A bowl of clotted blood? Are you shitting me?

94. Cheese fondue
Definitely, when it was cool to have a fondue set. I believe we still have one in basement, which hasn’t seen cheese in decades. I believe it is right next to the Simon Game.

93. Carp.
Fish – no thanks.

92. Borscht
Beet soup. Nope.

91. Baba ghanoush.
Some kind of eggplant thing. I like breaded and fried eggplant and eggplant parmigiana, but I never had this stuff

90. Calamari
Deep fried squid. My friends love the stuff. Tasted in once (I believe I was drunk), and it tasted like fishy sneaker.

89. Pho
What the phock?

88. PB&J sandwich
Probably thousands of them. One of the finest things in life.

87. Aloo gobi
According to Elisson, this is Indian cauliflower and potato curry. Never had it, but I’d give it a shot.

86. Hot dog from a street cart
Absolutely. It was always referred to as lunch/dinner “under the umbrella.” We always referred to the vendors of this culinary delight as “umbrella guys.”

85. Époisses
Supposedly seriously rotten, stinky cheese. I suppose if you ate that, you might consider eating a turd.

84. Black truffle
Aren’t these the things that pigs find in the ground and cost a zillion dollars per ounce? Anyway, never had one.

83. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
Sho ‘nuf. Had blackberry, blueberry and even dandelion (although I’m not sure that’s a fruit).

82. Steamed pork buns
I don’t know if this has anything to do with bread, or the boobs on a female pig, or neither. In any case, I never ate ‘em.

81. Pistachio ice cream
Green and delicious.

80. Heirloom tomatoes
Having read the description, I believe home-grown Jersey ‘maters fit the bill. Nothing like a Jersey ‘mater.

79. Fresh wild berries
Ate a bunch of unidentified berries as a kid. I guess I’m lucky to be alive.

78. Foie gras
No farookin’ way.

77. Rice and beans

76. Brawn, or head cheese
We always called it (phonetically) “stoogarina.” It is perfectly horrible. When I was young, my uncle dared me to try some. I never completely forgave him for that.

75. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
I like hot stuff. I’d probably like this.

74. Dulce de leche
Sounds a bit like caramel pudding. I think I’d like it.

73. Oysters
I sooner eat a ginder.

72. Baklava
I had this somewhere, but I can’t remember where (drunk?), but it was sweet and delicious.

71. Bagna cauda
It contains anchovies, which for me is dispositive. I ain’t eating it.

70. Wasabi peas
I believe Elisson brought these to a blogmeet. I liked ‘em. Great with Shiner Bock.

69. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
Clam chowder would be great, except for the clams. Blecch. Right up there with oysters. I’d like to break up the sourdough bowel and use it for peanut butter and jelly sammiches.

68. Salted lassi
Apparently it is a yogurt based drink with salt, pepper and spices, mixed up with ice to be frothy. Sounds a bit funky, but I’d give it a shot, because there is no FISH in it.

67. Sauerkraut
Yes! We have a German butcher in town who makes the stuff fresh (to the extent that fermenting cabbage can ever be fresh). What’s a hot dog without kraut? I’ve also tasted it with caraway seeds in it. Excellent.

66. Root beer float
I probably had one as a kid. Never was big on ice cream sodas. To me, it screws up the soda and screws up the ice cream. Now, a milk shake or a malted milk is something else.

65. Cognac with a fat cigar
Definitely, and it’s gottdamned civilized.

64. Clotted cream tea
Elisson “avoid[s] foods and beverages with names containing the word “clot,’” and I completely agree.

63. Vodka jelly/Jell-O shot
Absolutely. Nothing quite like chewing your booze.

62. Gumbo
Fishy soup. No thanks.

61. Oxtail
I had oxtail soup in Germany on a train. I don’t believe I was drunk at the time, so there’s no explaining why I tried it. I think it was good, but after having thought about it (oxtail!), I haven’t eaten it again.

60. Curried goat
No way.

59. Whole insects
Good grief, no! By the way, to me lobster is just one bigass insecty thing.

58. Phaal
More super hot stuff. I’d give it a go.

57. Goat’s milk
Not interested, thanks.

56. Single malt whisky
Many a time, laddie.

55. Fugu
First of all, it’s farookin’ fish, so no thanks. And, I for damned sure would not eat fish that could kill one’s ass if not properly prepared.

54. Chicken tikka masala
Chicken chunks with a bunch of Indian stuff on them. Depending on where the chunks came from, I’d consider giving it a try.

53. Eel
A favorite of my grandmother. Oy! One time she cut off an eel’s head and skinned the damned thing, and it uncoiled out of the bowel. Ack!

52. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
Good, but way overrated. Maybe they’re a big deal in states where you can’t find a real donut.

51. Sea urchin
I’d have to be about to die on a life raft before I’d eat one of these.

50. Prickly pear
“If the outer layer is not properly removed, glochids can be ingested causing discomfort of the throat, lips, and tongue as the small spines are easily lodged in the skin.” I don’t think so.

49. Umeboshi
A Japanese pickled plum. I know more than a few Japanese peeps, and I’ve never seen them eat these. I would give them a try. I did try seaweed. Yes, I was drunk. It tasted just like you’d imagine it would. Blecch.

48. Abalone
Fish trying to disguise itself with a name that sounds like baloney. Nothing gets past me.

47. Paneer
I looked at the picture. The green shit in the cheese turns me off.

46. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
You haven’t had one? I don’t question your judgment, but I do question your patriotism.

45. Spaetzle

44. Dirty gin martini
Tried it, but I’m a purist when it comes to martinis (gin) – extra dry, up with olives. Lots of things are called “martinis” now, and it’s not worth fighting about, but a real martini is as earlier described.

43. Beer above 8% ABV
I’m sure I had some in Germany. Burrrrrp.

42. Poutine
French fries with gravy and curds on them. Yo, the gravy is OK, but hold the coids!

41. Carob chips
Carob is bullshit, fake chocolate. That is all.

40. S’mores
I can’t believe I’ve never had one, even when daughter was a Girl Scout. What’s not to like?

39. Sweetbreads
Thymus glands. Where do I sign up? Blecch.

38. Kaolin
I believe this would be like eating dirt, and is one of the ingredient Kaopectate, which, I am happy to say I have not had to take in many a year.

37. Currywurst
German Wurst is almost always good, but hold the curry.

36. Durian
“Regarded by some as fragrant, others as overpowering and offensive, the smell evokes reactions from deep appreciation to intense disgust. The odour has led to the fruit’s banishment from certain hotels and public transportation in Southeast Asia.” Ooofah!

35. Frogs’ legs
Sorry, but I believe that peeps who eat these things and say, “they taste like chicken” should eat chicken. Farookin’ frogs? WTF?

34. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
Fried dough. Gotta love it.

33. Haggis
Grew up in a town where the Scottish butcher made and sold this stuff. I can’t imagine being drunk enough to eat it.

32. Fried plantain
They always looked to me like bogus bananas. If it didn’t taste like a banana (which I expect it wouldn’t), I’d be pissed.

31. Chitterlings, or andouillette
No thanks.

30. Gazpacho
I believe that soup should be hot. Period.

29. Caviar and blini
Turns out that blini is (are) sort of like oven-baked pancakes. That sounds OK, but dumping a bunch of eggs from an ugly-ass fish all over them? Blecch.

28. Louche absinthe
One of few (and I do mean few) adult beverages I am not particularly fond of. Tastes like licorice.

27. Gjetost, or brunost
Apparently this is some sort of brown cheese. I question the basis of its brownness and hence would not eat it.

26. Roadkill
Not even a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if it was squished by a tire.

25. Baijiu
Chinese booze. I have yet to encounter any form of liquor that I won’t try. Hell, I like slivovitz.

24. Hostess Fruit Pie
They were a staple when I was growing up. Haven’t had one in many years.

23. Snails
I don’t believe that anyone really likes these, but they order them for effect. Eat a goddamned snail? A snail? You gotta be shitting me.

22. Lapsang souchong
Smokey-flavored black tea. Never had it, but I’d try it.

21. Bellini
A very civilized drink.

20. Tom yum
It’s some kind of soup. I checked out the picture (a shrimp with the eyes looking up from the bowl at the diner). No thanks.

19. Eggs Benedict
This is another one I never got around to trying. Maybe it’s because poached eggs always seemed to me to need more cooking.

18. Pocky
”[A] biscuit stick coated with chocolate,” popular in Japan. Works for me.

17. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
I would probably find most of the things on the menu to be gross. I’d sooner have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk.

16. Kobe beef
I’d order it well done and probably end up in an argument with the cook.

15. Hare
Never had it, nor have I ever eaten tortoise.

14. Goulash
Yep. Very good.

13. Flowers
As noted above, I’ve drunk dandelion wine. Does that count?

12. Horse

11. Criollo
According to the description, this is more of a style of food in Peru than it is a particular food, but I know I’ve never had food that fits that description.

10. Spam
Yes, in Hawaii, where they eat tons of the stuff. It came in the form of musubi, which is rice on top of Spam, wrapped in seaweed. I could really do without the seaweed.

9. Soft shell crab
Now, these are particularly disgusting. Eat the entire loathsome animal shell and all? Good grief!

8. Rose harissa
Hot sauce. Sounds good, but with rose petals?

7. Catfish
Disgusting. I apologize to my friends south of the Mason-Dixon line, but catfish are farookin’ gross.

6. Mole poblano
Apparently this is a chocolate chili sauce. Never had it, but I have had Swiss chocolate flavored with chili peppers. Sounds goofy, but it’s quite good.

5. Bagel and lox
Love bagels. Pass the cream cheese with chives. Hole the lox!

4. Lobster Thermidor
Lobster, as noted above, reminds me of a large cockroachy thing.

3. Polenta
I’ve had it in a couple excellent Italian restaurants. Very good.

2. Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee
Never had it, but I’d love to try it. Black, no sugar, of course.

1. Snake
This scores a solid 10 on the disgusting scale.

I can’t imagine that anyone has read this all the way through, but if you did, you should treat yourself to a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Now, that’s good eatin’.

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