December 19, 2008

Snow, Sleet, Slop … Feh!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 5:43 pm

The weather folks were quite certain that snow was coming our way. I knew they were right, because, with many years of snow experience, one can actually smell impending snow (no kidding), and it smelled like snow.

In anticipation of the promised snow, I picked up a new gas can and some bottles of gookum that has to be mixed with the gas (2-cycle engine oil for you wrench peeps), then filled up the gas can, mixed in the gookum and filled up the Big, Fat, Black Capitalist Car while I was at it. Of course, I never touched the gas pump, for in New Jersey we don’t pump our own gas (Yes!!).

Upon arriving back to the House by the Parkway, I made sure that I filled the calcium chloride ice-melting-stuff bottle/sprinklers, and got two snow shovels out of the garage and positioned one in the front of the house for shoveling the front steps and the other in the back, poised to shovel off the deck.

Damn, I felt very responsible.

About an hour or so into the snowfall, it was clear that these were not snow flurries, but the real deal. I went outside to drag the snowblower from the shed (dragging it across the yard in deep snow is a bummer) to position it in the garage for later use.

Then, I acted like someone who just moved here from Florida.

I thought, “Yo, even though it is snowing like a bastard, I’ll fire up the snowblower and get a jump on the cleanup.” About thirty minutes of snow blowing later, I looked a bit like the abominable snowdoosh, and the driveway and sidewalk looked as if they had never been cleaned. I know that my friend Richmond has to snowblow while the snow is still falling in order to keep from being totally buried, but, hey, that’s Wis-farookin’-consin. I shoulda known better.

So, the then-current game plan was to wait until the snow stops before I head outside to snowblow. Problem is that the heavy snow has now turned into icy rain and freakin’ sleet, which, of course turns everything to slop that is as heavy as concrete. Worse yet, the forecast says that it will turn back into snow later tonight. My game plan is in the dumper.

I hate this shit.

I do, however, have plenty of vodka on hand.

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