January 26, 2006

Free-Floating Case of the Ass.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:24 pm

Yes, that’s what I have — a Free-Floating Case of the Ass. Maybe it’s a collision of cosmic forces and real-time events over which I have little or no control, but everything seems to be on my very last nerve right about now, and it has sapped any creativity I otherwise may have had, assuming I ever had any to speak of.

So, Jimbo, what has managed to frost your stindeens?

Well, if I knew, I wouldn’t refer to it as a “Free-Floating Case of the Ass” now would I?

The best I can do is try to open the neural pathways between the top of my cruller and my high-speed, touch-type fingers. As such, this list is certainly not complete and is in no particular order:

The weather. Is it going to be cold or not cold? Two days ago, one could wear short sleeves outside. Today wearing short sleeves outside would certainly result in death. The huge swings in temperature are making me nuts.

Immigration. Is anybody going to fix this mess before some shitball blows us all to hell? Both shithook parties — I’m calling you out!

Too many people. You have no idea how hard it is in New Jersey to go someplace where there isn’t a traffic jam, a line, or a crowd. Sometimes I feel like I live in Calcutta. One has to embark on a goddamned road trip just to be alone. I could use a bit of alone.

Political bickering and backbiting. Can we, for Chrisssakes, stop the bullshit just long enough to realize that it’s US against everyothergoddamnedbody?

Idiots. If you cannot name your two Senators and Congressman, STFU! If I had my way, you wouldn’t be permitted to vote.

Cars. The Japanese are eating our lunch. Wake farookin’ UP, car manufacturers and United Auto Workers!

Reality Television. Good thing for the First Amendment, is all I can say.

Rap. Don’t even think about trying to tell me that that shit is music.

Bloggers who think they’re really important. Bullshit! Even the tall dogs don’t have the readership of a local Podunk fish wrap.

That is all.

I’m going to watch the History Channel and eat some chocolate Necco Wafers. I understand that they are good for a Free-Floating Case of the Ass.

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