April 25, 2007

One Sheet? It figures.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:54 pm

OK, already! Enough! I’ve had it with the Television News Vans parked outside the House by the Parkway. I’m tired of getting the non-stop phone calls from Brian Williams, Katie Couric and that Guy on ABC, all wanting to know the same thing.

Yo, Jimbo. What’s your reaction to the Sheryl Crow thing with the one sheet of toilet paper? Now, she’s saying it was all a big joke. Your thoughts, Jimbo?”

Oddly enough, Ms. Crow’s suggestion that one sheet should be enough to get the heiney wipage done did seem ridiculous enough to have been a joke. The problem is that in the past she was undeniably dead serious when she said things such as this:

I think war is based in greed and there are huge karmic retributions that will follow. I think war is never the answer to solving any problems. The best way to solve problems is to not have enemies.

I laughed out loud when I first read that drivel, so for me it had the effect of a joke.

And then there are gems like this:

In my mind, there are two motivators for action and those are Love and Fear. Any action stemming from Fear will never set anyone on a positive and truthful course. It is my belief that our desire to democratize countries such as Iraq, Iran, etc., is imperialistic and based on greed.

Why are there no discussions taking place regarding the possibility of using alternative means to fuel our cars, (our SUVs), alleviating us from having to be slaves to the oil industry? Is it because the automobile industry is a monstrous moneymaking presence in this country?

Why are there no discussions on shrinking the size of tires so that our cars use less gasoline, thus lessening our dependency on outsiders [sic] oil? Not only are we threatening our environment in real and tangible ways, we are being slaves to the mentality of greed.

This from a woman who demands lavish backstage arrangements and travels with a fleet of gas and diesel burning vehicles that could accommodate an infantry company.

To me, that too qualifies as a joke.

I, therefore, have to conclude that her serious statements sound like jokes, and her statements that actually do sound like jokes are quite probably very serious.

Besides, I believe that in Ms. Crow’s case, one sheet would work. It is reasonable to assume that when she pulls her head out of her ass long enough to run her mouth, her hair cleans out most of the ca-ca, leaving only a small amount behind, which can be easily managed with just one sheet.

Which, of course, qualifies her as a genuine shithead.

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