March 2, 2008

Nancy’s Diary (Vol. 11) — Awake!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 3:44 pm

Pelosi.jpgDear Diary,

OMFG! It must be 4 in the morning.

I drank all the Cristal, smoked all the herb and snorted about two thousand bucks worth of premium blow. I think I’ve been up for four days straight. I’ve been playing Grateful Dead bootleg concert tapes non-stop for about 72 hours. Freakin’ awesome. Gotta be an all-time record. That Jerry Gonzalez can sure play his ass off. Memo to self: Invite Jerry over for dinner and whatever!

Funny, I’m not hungry. I was after I finished the weed, but then I started on the blow. Primo shit, man. I think my nose may be bleeding. I’m pretty sure Sven was here a day or two ago, because I haven’t had panties on for at least a day, and I’m feeling a little sticky down there LOL!. It’s OK, though, because I have one fine ass. Everybody says so.

Where’s that little bastard Lance? I called him three hours ago to tell him to score some coke and get it here pronto, or I’d fire his sorry ass. When you’re the SPEAKER in the goddamned House, pronto friggin’ means PRONTO! Little shit.

Oh shit, I’m getting ANOTHER text message from that asshole Harry Reid. He’s been doing this for the last four hours. Annoying as hell.

I just answered him:

OK, if U must know, I’m wearing a Code Pink tee shirt and nothing else, so STOP ASKING.

I know you want me NOW, but 2 bad 4 U. I’m busy working on SPEAKER Stuff.

You’ll have to think of something else to do with your Monster Mormon Member.

The guy just will not let up. I can’t say that I blame him, though. Everyone wants me.

Damn, Jerry Gonzalez has been playing “Ripple” for the last forty minutes. Freakin’ AWESOME.

OMFG…….I called Hilly yesterday. Maybe it was the day before; I can’t remember. You know, just to shoot the shit. Oh, I remember now. I wanted to tell her about Sven and the lard, which was AWESOME. I think she was in Texas or some shit. She was so pissed she couldn’t even talk straight. One minute she was shouting and the next minute she was crying. WTF??

I asked her if she wanted me to FedEx her some blow. She told me that I’ve been no goddamned help to her, that at the moment she needs delegates, not blow, and that I should shove the blow up my ass, then she hung up on me!

No sense shoving blow up my ass. I snorted it instead.

I hear that Barack likes him some good blow.

Vol 1
Vol 2
Vol 3
Vol 4
Vol 5
Vol 6
Vol. 7
Vol. 8
Vol. 9


  1. Gawd the Grateful Dead SUCK.

    Heh. Sorry, just slipped out.

    Comment by dogette — March 2, 2008 @ 5:28 pm

  2. Poor Hilly… maybe she should’ve taken Nance, the lard, and Sven on her campaign trip. Then she’d be all bubbly and happy instead of mopey.

    Comment by Teresa — March 2, 2008 @ 11:52 pm

  3. OMG Jimbo, you crack me up.

    Comment by Maeve — March 3, 2008 @ 1:24 am

  4. STOP! I can’t breathe! You are do damn funny!

    Comment by Lee — March 3, 2008 @ 2:04 am


    Comment by GUYK — March 3, 2008 @ 10:53 am

  6. hysterical! better save some coke for tomorrow night, going to be a nail biter for sure!

    Comment by supergurl — March 3, 2008 @ 2:15 pm

  7. OMFG, I friggin’ love Nancy!!! Well, PRS’s version of Nancy, anyways.

    Thanks, Jimbo!

    Comment by Jerry — March 3, 2008 @ 9:24 pm

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