Recently while hanging around, boozing it up having cocktails and shooting the shit discussing interesting and topical matters with the Usual Suspects, the subject of telemarketers came up. The specific topic of conversation focused on the manner in which each of deals with telemarketers.

The general consensus seemed to be that, upon learning that one is dealing with a telemarketer, the phone is simply hung up, sometimes (but most often not) preceded by a “No thank you,” or “I’m not interested.” However, The Original Bill, one of the Usual Suspects, shared an approach he has used at least once, and which had me in absolute stitches.

He explained that the telemarketer in question, a female, was particularly aggressive. Apparently prepared for the quick hang-up, she launched immediately into a barrage of questions, such as “How would you like to save 25% on your next purchase of XYZ?”

Bill responded, “I’m not interested” to about the first three questions, but did not hang up the phone. His goal was to make the telemarketer hang up.

The telemarketer kept pounding away at the sales pitch without regard to the ‘I’m not interested” responses or simple silence.

Then, The Original Bill** “pulled the trigger”:

Bill: “Do you have big tits?”

Telemarketer: (complete silence – amazing)

Bill: “I’ll bet you have really big tits.”

Telemarketer:

Bill: “Are they firm and perky, or are they nice and soft?”

Telemarketer: CLICK

When we asked if he was worried that the woman would report him as some kind of weirdo stalker, he responded, “Bullshit! I didn’t call her; she called me!!!”

I still laugh when I think about it.

**The Original Bill has excellent manners and is most certainly not some kind of mouth-breathing telephone slob. This was an experiment he conducted, and, as you can see, the result was as planned.