Seems that lots of folks are weighing in on the 2006 Weblog Awards.

Tiki Barber
“If Jimbo were on the line, we’d have a lock on the Super Bowl.”

Nancy Pelosi
“Jimbo? So-so hair, no ass, lousy tits.”

Bozo
“Anybody what doesn’t like clowns is a turd in my book.”

David Letterman
“If Jimbo wrote my material, Jay Leno would be washing cars for a living.”

George Patton
“Vote for the sonofabitch! That is all.”

Yul Brynner
“Screw him and his farookin’ hair.”

Tim Russert
“The guy won’t return my calls. WTF?”

Barbara Walters
“Jimbo? He’s weally a gweat guy with gweat fawookin’ haiw!”

Vote for Jimbo today and every day until December 15th***.
He turns off his phone in restaurants.

***To vote for Jimbo, click the 2006 Weblog Awards button on the left sidebar. You’ll feel like you just had an excellent bowel movement.

Good evenin’ ladies and gentlemen. This is Elvis speaking.

Yeah, I know I’m dead; I didn’t need y’all to tell me that.

It’s just that I heard that Jimbo’s site is in the runnin’ for one of those Weblog Awards, so I thought I’d wait in line to get on one of the computers up here. Hell, I’m still not good with the damned things. Remember, when I arrived at my current address, the whole computer thing was just gettin’ off the ground, and I was too busy bein’ Elvis to pay much attention.

Anyway, there used to be plenty of computers available up here whenever I wanted to use one, but then that Rob Fella moved in, and all of a sudden everybody wants computer time. Getting more hardware and better wireless connections are things we’ll have to discuss with the Boss at the next Town Hall Meeting.

Anyway, I just wanted to let y’all know that I’ll be votin’ for Jimbo once every day between now and December 15th (Earth Time), and y’all should do so too.

Why? It’s simple. The boy’s got Elvis in him. Ain’t no doubt about that. His hair is almost as good as mine, he knows his liquor, he’s got the moves, and he loves cheeseburgers.

”Hey Gabriel! We got an hour before rehearsal. See if you can get me a deep-fried grilled cheese sandwich!”

S’cuse me; I was distracted there for a minute.

So, like I was sayin’, you’d make the King verah, verah happy if you’d click on the Weblogs Award Sign over there on the sidebar and vote for Jimbo. To vote in all the categories, click here.

Well, I gotta be goin’. Gabriel just showed up with my sandwich. Service is sure great up here.

Thank you verah much.

Aaaaay, Paulie Walnuts here. Haya DOO-in’? Just wonderin’ if youse guys voted for Jimbo yet today. ‘Cause me and da Crew vote for him every day. You should consider doing that too, IF ya know what I’m sayin’.

Alls ya hafta do is click da Weblogs Award Sign on the sidebar. To vote in all the categories, click here.

Have you voted for Jimbo today?

VOTE FOR JIMBO!

He likes

Pizza

Puppies

and

Pandas

Voting is easy! It’s fun! It will lower your levels of bad cholesterol! All you have to do is click the Weblogs Award Sign on the sidebar. To vote in all the categories, click here.

Once again, PRS Operatives have managed to listen in on a conversation between Nancy Pelosi and her house servant, Rosa. The conversation took place on Nancy’s patio as she was working on her tan.

Rosa: Se&#241ora Pelosi, may I speak with you, please?

Nancy: Dammit, Rosa. I told you yesterday; it’s SPEAKER.

Rosa: Que?

Nancy: It’s SPEAKER. I told you to call me SPEAKER!

Rosa: I’m sorry, Se&#241ora. You weren’t speaking, so I thought I could speak.

Nancy: No, you stupid cow. I wasn’t speaking, but you should call me SPEAKER.

Rosa: I’m sorry Se&#241ora. I don’t understand. I should call you the SPEAKER even when you’re not speaking?

Nancy: Jesus Christ, Rosa! Go ahead and speak?

Rosa: Ah-ha, so I’m the SPEAKER.

Nancy: No, goddammit: I’m the friggin’ SPEAKER.

Rosa: OK, so I’ll be quiet.

Nancy: My God, you are stupid. It’s SPEAKER Pelosi. I want you to call me SPEAKER Pelosi!

Rosa:

Nancy: Well, …. ? What?

Rosa:

Nancy: Jesus Christ, why aren’t you speaking?

Rosa: Because I’m not the Speaker; you are.

Nancy: Just friggin’ shoot me!

Rosa: You want me to shoot you?

Nancy:

Rosa: Oh, OK, Se&#241ora SPEAKER Pelosi.

Nancy: No, no, no, no NO! I should have known better. I should pack your fat ass off to Shitholas, or whatever garbage dump you came from.

Rosa: Que?

Nancy: Forget it. Go put fresh water in the bong. Hilly’s coming over.

Bill, a reader who lives in Florida and who never misses an opportunity to send me news stories about people being eaten by alligators, sent me an e-mail informing me that I am a finalist for one of this year’s Weblog Awards. I thought he was pulling my leg, but it turns out he that he wasn’t.

Yo, Jimbo, what’s da category? “Best Farookin’ Hair”? No; there is no such category, which is too bad because that would be a cake walk, and it would easy to explain to the non-blognoscenti. The category in which Parkway Rest Stop is a finalist is “Best of the Top 1751 – 2500 Blogs”, which is based on the blog’s ranking in The Truth Laid Bard Ecosystem. Quite a mouthful, that, no?.

Anyway, voting is scheduled to commence some time today, and it will last for ten days. You can vote once every twenty-four hours. Kindly do so. Oh, and you’ll have to scroll down close to the bottom of the categories to find me; pretty much where you would expect to find the nominees for dog catcher in a real election.

Yo, Jimbo! What’s an election without some slogans? I’ve been giving it some thought:

VOTE FOR JIMBO! HE DOES LAUNDRY!

VOTE FOR JIMBO! HE WON’T RAISE YOUR TAXES!

VOTE FOR JIMBO! HE ALWAYS BRINGS PLENTY OF LIQUOR TO THE PARTY!

So, there you have it. Vote early, and vote every farookin’ day. Make it a part of your morning ritual: shit, shower, shave, vote for Jimbo. Simple.

NOTE: It didn’t take much sleuthing to discover that I was nominated by Sgt. Hook and endorsed by Blackfive, two nice guys and two of the best military bloggers in the ‘sphere, which in my mind, makes me a winner already. Thank you, gentlemen.

UPDATE: You can go directly where I am listed by clicking here. The main voting page for all categories is here.

My buddy Brian, the Air Force Vet, surprised me with information concerning a group of veterans who founded an organization called “Vietnam Vets for Kerry”.

Don’t believe me? Check it out.

You’ve Got Questions? I’ve got Answers.
Because I’m Very Smart, and You’re … Very Not.

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Dear Senator Clinton:

First, I want to congratulate you on your victory and the victory of the Democratic Party in November. And, I saw yesterday that you have now made public your intention to seek the presidency. I am thrilled to hear that. I know it is very early in the process, but I was wondering whether you have given any thought to a possible running mate in 2008?

Sincerely,
Agnes Wentworth

Dear Agnes,

Thank you for saying such nice things. It was a pleasure reading your letter, which typifies the intellect, good taste and civility that is the hallmark of the Democratic Party. And, yes, I have publicly expressed my interest in running for the presidency, because I think it’s high time that we got those stinking rat bastard, pieces of fascist shit out of the White House.

As for a Vice President pick, I’m going to go with Speaker Pelosi (I call her Pearl). She is great looking, she’s soooooooper smart, she can damned near chug a fifth of Jack Daniels and she has processed more pharmaceuticals than Pfizer. She’s also got great tits.

OMG, I just had an idea! I don’t think the “Clinton-Pelosi” ticket has much pizzazz. I’m thinking of calling the ticket simply “Four Tits”. ROTFLMAO!!!!! Four Tits versus Two Dumb Asses!!!! Is that awesome, or what? LOL!!

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Dear Senator Clinton:

I see that John Bolton has resigned his position as Ambassador to the United Nations. Your thoughts?

Sincerely,
Judy Weingetner

Dear Judy,

Oh, you are referring to Mr. Grumpy Pants. LOL!!! Good riddance, I say. He is simply not caring, sensitive, or tolerant enough to effectively deal with those rag heads and spear chuckers our international colleagues in the U.N.

I’ve been thinking about who my appointee to that job will be once I am elected. So far, Barbra Streisand and Katie Couric are on the short list. Truth is, I think Katie has better tits. This will be a tough choice.

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Dear Senator Clinton:

We all know that, once you win in 2008, the reTHUGlicans are going to be mighty pissed, and unlike the spirit of cooperation our party showed them when they were in power, I suspect that they will do everything possible to undermine your administration. Do you have a plan for dealing with that?

Admiringly,
Markus Sandoval

Dear Markus,

Do I have a plan? You betcha I have a plan! In fact, I have a kickass plan.

The day after I’m sworn in we will begin rounding up all the dangerous dumbshits who voted for Chimpy McHitleriburtonflightsuitmissionaccomplishedAWOLchickenhawkdrunkwarforoil and send them to “special” camps in Nevada (Harry Reid says he has plenty of land to sell to the government for this purpose). It will be freakin’ AWESOME to see those miserable bastards hauled away in rail cars. LOL!!!

Progressive bloggers and their troopers have already lined up to serve as camp guards, and Nancy (a/k/a Pearl) is working on a design for their uniforms. I think something in a basic black would be nice. LOL!!!

I know what you’re thinking. “But, Madam President, won’t it be expensive keeping millions of people locked up in camps?”

No it won’t, because they won’t be there for all that long. You see, the camps have plenty of showers (wink wink). What a freakin HOOT!!

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Dear Senator Clinton:

Please, PLEASE answer this question honestly. Do you color your hair?

Curiously,
Barbara Nesmith

Dear Barbara:

Please, PLEASE answer this question honestly. How would you like your property seized and your tax returns audited? I can make it happen, BITCH.

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Previous Editions of “Ask Hillary”:

Vol. 1
Vol. 2
Vol. 3
Vol. 4
Vol. 5
Vol. 6

I trust you can tell by the “content” in the previous two posts that I am about as creative as a piss clam tonight.

Piss happens.

What military aircraft are you? B-52 Stratofortress You’re a B-52. You are old and wise, and you absolutely love destruction. You believe in the principle of “peace through deterrence” and aren’t afraid to throw your weight around.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

I swiped this from Denny (the other half of the Elderly Brothers), and not surprisingly, he’s da same plane.