Some of you may remember that last February I received a telephone call from George Washington, the Original Dubya and our country’s first president. At that time, he was very interested in the candidacies of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.
He said he would call again, and so he did.
GW: Good evening, Jimbo. I hope you recognize my voice. I did say that I would call you again.
Jimbo: Do I recognize your voice? Holy crap! Oh, I’m sorry. Since your last call, I had convinced myself that I must have dreamed the whole thing, and here you are again, George Washington. Wow! Just wow!
GW: I received bits and pieces of news about the most recent election, and I hoped you would be able to answer some questions for me.
Jimbo: I’ll do my best, Mr. President.
GW: I heard that the colored man won. Is that true?
Jimbo: I believe we went over the “colored man” thing during our last call, sir.
GW: Oh, right. I’m sorry. So, this African American man won?
Jimbo: Yes, sir. That’s correct.
GW: Is his last name Washington? I was a bit surprised and pleased to learn how many colored … oh, I mean African Americans are named Washington – some quite famous.
Jimbo: No, sir. His name is Barack Obama.
GW: Barack Obama? What kind of a name is that?
Jimbo: It’s an African name, Mr. President.
GW: But, you said he’s an American.
Jimbo: You see, sir, his father was African. It’s a little complicated.
GW: So, his father was an African-American?
Jimbo: No, sir. He was African, from Kenya.
GW: And, his mother? Was she African too?
Jimbo: No, sir. She is an American, I believe from Kansas.
Jimbo: Yes, sir. It’s one of the states now.
GW: So, she was an African-American?
Jimbo: No, sir. His mother was white.
GW: He’s a mulatto?
Jimbo: We definitely don’t use the term “mulatto” any more sir.
GW: Oh, my. This is all a bit confusing. What do you call such a person?
Jimbo: We refer to such persons as bi-racial, or a person of mixed race.
GW: That is quite something that such a man would be president. He must be quite remarkable. Tell me about his background. I’m sure he has an interesting history and has held many important positions.
Jimbo: Well, sir. He was a community organizer, then he ….
Jimbo: He was a community organizer, sir.
GW: I don’t believe I know what a community organizer is.
Jimbo: I’m not completely versed in the subject either, Mr. President, but I believe that a community organizer is a person goes into a town or city, makes speeches telling people how bad things are, holds rallies and forms groups to put pressure on the government to provide the things they want.
GW: Good grief! We used to call those kinds of people troublemakers.
GW: Did he do this on his own?
Jimbo: No, sir. In fact he worked to some extent with another community organizer named William Ayers who had a rather, shall I say, interesting past.
GW: What do you mean by “interesting past?”
Jimbo: It’s a bit complicated, sir. Are you familiar with the Vietnam War?
GW: Yes, I’ve read a bit about it. Sad how it turned out.
Jimbo: Yes, sir. That was sad. Anyway, during that war, William Ayers was an active member of a group that set bombs in federal and state buildings. In fact, while preparing a bomb to explode on an Army base, the bomb accidentally exploded, killing three of his associates. He married one of his associates and was a fugitive for many years.
GW: Good Lord. In my day, such a person would have been hanged. Surely, he spent many years in prison, this Ayers fellow.
Jimbo: No, sir. Charges against him were dismissed for prosecutorial misconduct.
GW: Prosecutorial misconduct? What in heaven’s name is that?
Jimbo: It’s really complicated, sir, but I believe the government gathered evidence against him in an improper way. I’d be happy to go into all this, if you wish, but I don’t know how much time you have.
GW: You’re right. I will have to look into this after this call. So, what else did this man do other than being a community troublemaker … I mean, organizer.
Jimbo: He served for a time in the State Senate of Illinois. Illinois became a state after you … well … died.
GW: Interesting. Well, that says something about the man. He must have been an outstanding legislator.
Jimbo: That’s not clear, sir, because no one was able to examine any of the documents he created or received while a state senator.
GW: What happened to the documents? Was there a fire?
Jimbo: No fire, sir. When asked, he stated that he didn’t know what happened to them.
GW: What? That’s preposterous.
Jimbo: Yes, sir. It does seem strange.
GW: Well, I assume that he is a well educated man.
Jimbo: Yes, Mr. President. He was graduated from Columbia University and Harvard Law School.
GW: Excellent, and how did he fare at those outstanding institutions?
Jimbo: No one was able to find that out, Mr. President, and to anticipate your next question, neither of those institutions has burned down.
GW: I’m beginning to think you are joking with me, Jimbo.
Jimbo: No, sir. I’m doing my best to answer your questions.
GW: My word. What else has this man done that would cause people to vote for him as their president?
Jimbo: Well, he did win an election to the United States Senate.
GW: Ah! I knew there was something. He had years of exemplary service in that venerable institution, and he certainly authored historic legislation, correct?
Jimbo: No, sir. I believe he served about 140 days before beginning his presidential campaign and voted “present” a good deal of the time.
GW: Oh, my. How about the military? He was a well-known military leader. That’s it, isn’t it?
Jimbo: No, Mr. President, he did not serve in the military.
GW: Is it true that the man he defeated in the election was a battle-tested officer in the United States Navy and spent twenty-six years in the United States Senate?
Jimbo: Yes, sir. That’s true.
GW: Please tell me that you’re joking with me, Jimbo.
Jimbo: No, Mr. President. I am not joking.
GW: Oh, my Lord. I’m not feeling well at the moment. I believe I will have to rest. It’s a shame, because I wanted to ask you about stories I have been hearing about the government actually seizing money from citizens and giving it to banks and private companies. Are those stories true?
Jimbo: Yes, sir. Those stories are true.
GW: Good God. I have to lie down. Before I do, let me ask you one more question.
Jimbo: Yes, Mr. President.
GW: I want to be sure I understood what you said. The man who was elected president actually associated with a person who was part of group that bombed federal buildings and tried to bomb an Army base?
Jimbo: Yes, sir. And, I forgot to mention his real estate dealings with a convicted felon.
GW: I beg your pardon, but I believe I feel the need to vomit. I’ll stay in touch. Good bye, Jimbo.
Jimbo: It’s always an honor to speak with you. Good bye, Mr. President.