Some of you may remember that last February I received a telephone call from George Washington, the Original Dubya and our countryâ€™s first president. At that time, he was very interested in the candidacies of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.
He said he would call again, and so he did.
GW: Good evening, Jimbo. I hope you recognize my voice. I did say that I would call you again.
Jimbo: Do I recognize your voice? Holy crap! Oh, Iâ€™m sorry. Since your last call, I had convinced myself that I must have dreamed the whole thing, and here you are again, George Washington. Wow! Just wow!
GW: I received bits and pieces of news about the most recent election, and I hoped you would be able to answer some questions for me.
Jimbo: Iâ€™ll do my best, Mr. President.
GW: I heard that the colored man won. Is that true?
Jimbo: I believe we went over the â€œcolored manâ€ thing during our last call, sir.
GW: Oh, right. Iâ€™m sorry. So, this African American man won?
Jimbo: Yes, sir. Thatâ€™s correct.
GW: Is his last name Washington? I was a bit surprised and pleased to learn how many colored â€¦ oh, I mean African Americans are named Washington â€“ some quite famous.
Jimbo: No, sir. His name is Barack Obama.
GW: Barack Obama? What kind of a name is that?
Jimbo: Itâ€™s an African name, Mr. President.
GW: But, you said heâ€™s an American.
Jimbo: You see, sir, his father was African. Itâ€™s a little complicated.
GW: So, his father was an African-American?
Jimbo: No, sir. He was African, from Kenya.
GW: And, his mother? Was she African too?
Jimbo: No, sir. She is an American, I believe from Kansas.
Jimbo: Yes, sir. Itâ€™s one of the states now.
GW: So, she was an African-American?
Jimbo: No, sir. His mother was white.
GW: Heâ€™s a mulatto?
Jimbo: We definitely donâ€™t use the term â€œmulattoâ€ any more sir.
GW: Oh, my. This is all a bit confusing. What do you call such a person?
Jimbo: We refer to such persons as bi-racial, or a person of mixed race.
GW: That is quite something that such a man would be president. He must be quite remarkable. Tell me about his background. Iâ€™m sure he has an interesting history and has held many important positions.
Jimbo: Well, sir. He was a community organizer, then he â€¦.
Jimbo: He was a community organizer, sir.
GW: I donâ€™t believe I know what a community organizer is.
Jimbo: Iâ€™m not completely versed in the subject either, Mr. President, but I believe that a community organizer is a person goes into a town or city, makes speeches telling people how bad things are, holds rallies and forms groups to put pressure on the government to provide the things they want.
GW: Good grief! We used to call those kinds of people troublemakers.
GW: Did he do this on his own?
Jimbo: No, sir. In fact he worked to some extent with another community organizer named William Ayers who had a rather, shall I say, interesting past.
GW: What do you mean by â€œinteresting past?â€
Jimbo: Itâ€™s a bit complicated, sir. Are you familiar with the Vietnam War?
GW: Yes, Iâ€™ve read a bit about it. Sad how it turned out.
Jimbo: Yes, sir. That was sad. Anyway, during that war, William Ayers was an active member of a group that set bombs in federal and state buildings. In fact, while preparing a bomb to explode on an Army base, the bomb accidentally exploded, killing three of his associates. He married one of his associates and was a fugitive for many years.
GW: Good Lord. In my day, such a person would have been hanged. Surely, he spent many years in prison, this Ayers fellow.
Jimbo: No, sir. Charges against him were dismissed for prosecutorial misconduct.
GW: Prosecutorial misconduct? What in heavenâ€™s name is that?
Jimbo: Itâ€™s really complicated, sir, but I believe the government gathered evidence against him in an improper way. Iâ€™d be happy to go into all this, if you wish, but I donâ€™t know how much time you have.
GW: Youâ€™re right. I will have to look into this after this call. So, what else did this man do other than being a community troublemaker â€¦ I mean, organizer.
Jimbo: He served for a time in the State Senate of Illinois. Illinois became a state after you â€¦ well â€¦ died.
GW: Interesting. Well, that says something about the man. He must have been an outstanding legislator.
Jimbo: Thatâ€™s not clear, sir, because no one was able to examine any of the documents he created or received while a state senator.
GW: What happened to the documents? Was there a fire?
Jimbo: No fire, sir. When asked, he stated that he didnâ€™t know what happened to them.
GW: What? Thatâ€™s preposterous.
Jimbo: Yes, sir. It does seem strange.
GW: Well, I assume that he is a well educated man.
Jimbo: Yes, Mr. President. He was graduated from Columbia University and Harvard Law School.
GW: Excellent, and how did he fare at those outstanding institutions?
Jimbo: No one was able to find that out, Mr. President, and to anticipate your next question, neither of those institutions has burned down.
GW: Iâ€™m beginning to think you are joking with me, Jimbo.
Jimbo: No, sir. Iâ€™m doing my best to answer your questions.
GW: My word. What else has this man done that would cause people to vote for him as their president?
Jimbo: Well, he did win an election to the United States Senate.
GW: Ah! I knew there was something. He had years of exemplary service in that venerable institution, and he certainly authored historic legislation, correct?
Jimbo: No, sir. I believe he served about 140 days before beginning his presidential campaign and voted â€œpresentâ€ a good deal of the time.
GW: Oh, my. How about the military? He was a well-known military leader. Thatâ€™s it, isnâ€™t it?
Jimbo: No, Mr. President, he did not serve in the military.
GW: Is it true that the man he defeated in the election was a battle-tested officer in the United States Navy and spent twenty-six years in the United States Senate?
Jimbo: Yes, sir. Thatâ€™s true.
GW: Please tell me that youâ€™re joking with me, Jimbo.
Jimbo: No, Mr. President. I am not joking.
GW: Oh, my Lord. Iâ€™m not feeling well at the moment. I believe I will have to rest. Itâ€™s a shame, because I wanted to ask you about stories I have been hearing about the government actually seizing money from citizens and giving it to banks and private companies. Are those stories true?
Jimbo: Yes, sir. Those stories are true.
GW: Good God. I have to lie down. Before I do, let me ask you one more question.
Jimbo: Yes, Mr. President.
GW: I want to be sure I understood what you said. The man who was elected president actually associated with a person who was part of group that bombed federal buildings and tried to bomb an Army base?
Jimbo: Yes, sir. And, I forgot to mention his real estate dealings with a convicted felon.
GW: I beg your pardon, but I believe I feel the need to vomit. I’ll stay in touch. Good bye, Jimbo.
Jimbo: It’s always an honor to speak with you. Good bye, Mr. President.