November 20, 2008

Remembering Junior.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 10:57 pm


When Dave mentioned Junior in a comment to a recent post, I thought it was time I said a word or two about ol’ Junior, the cat that was NOT our cat.

As I detailed here (including the basis for his name), from a very young age Junior managed to work his way into the House by the Parkway for two gourmet (thanks to Mrs. Parkway) meals per day and a long comfy nap after each one. Sometimes, he’d hang around until late in the evening when he would meow to let us know that it was time for him to go out and work the night shift.

He clearly didn’t live here. Rather this was his comfort station when he needed something to eat and a break from being a wandering bum an “outside cat.” He showed up like clockwork, including one or two times when living the wild life got him pretty well beaten up.


Here’s how he looked last Christmas after having been pretty badly banged up somewhere, somehow. He was a resilient sumbitch. He knew that there was always good eats here and that it was cool in the summer and warm in the winter.

The House by the Parkway also served as a place where he could kick back after a long night of carousing.

When we returned from our cruise in August, ol’ Junior was waiting for us in the driveway. He looked a bit thin from having to fend for himself for a week. We saw him for two or three days, and then he stopped showing up. We figured he probably was on a major tear somewhere, or that he managed to work his way into the house of a neighbor. We convinced ourselves that he would return, being the regular beggar that he was.

After about ten days had passed without seeing Junior, we asked our neighbor whose grown son was the person who claimed title to the cat (even though he never exercised dominion and control over him), what was up. The neighbor replied that he didn’t know, as they had never let the cat into their house. He opined that his son, who moved out to live with his girlfriend, may have taken Junior with him. I satisfied myself with that explanation until about a month ago when I saw the son while he was visiting his parents. I asked if he had taken the cat with him, and he replied that he had not.

So, the conclusion became at once inescapable: after having been a regular around here for more than a year, ol’ Junior was gone, really gone. I assume he tangled ass with a moving car and the car won, or that he got a fatal ass kicking from another animal.

I hope he didn’t suffer.

We’ve since given the gourmet cat food (wet and dry) and all his toys (Oh yeah, there were toys) to a relative who has cats. We speak of him now and then, and we always end up smiling, at least on the outside.

Even though he was never really our cat, I miss his sorry ass.

November 19, 2008

The Platonic Form of Assholery. (Updated)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:31 pm

Have you seen the montage of Keith Olbermann’s “Special Commentaries?” They are, quite simply, priceless.

Can you imagine how cool it would be if, at the VERY end of one of his Special Commentaries, when he turns away from the camera and brazenly steals Edward R. Morrow’s signature tag-line (“Good night and good luck”), he were hit in the moosh with a fistful of dogshit?

SPLAT-TAY!!! Stinkola! Runny dogshit!

I must say, the mere thought of it sends a Chris Matthews tingle up my leg.

Kerrrrrrrr forrrrr yeeeeee!

Update: A commenter likened Keith Olbermann to the television “preacher” Robert Tilton. For those of you who may have missed it, we had a thing or two to say about Robert Tilton here.

November 18, 2008

Nuttin’ Haiku.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:01 pm

Too crabby to blog.

Nothing to say anyway.

The country is screwed.

November 17, 2008


Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:03 pm

On Sunday, one of the many crowns that cover several of my ground-down, sometimes root-canalled teeth came off as I was eating dinner. It wasn’t a peanut brittle type of dental misfortune. No, it was regular old food that did it. I guess it was just time.

Fortunately, I managed to save the strange looking thing (we never really get to check them out when they’re being put in), rather than swallowing it, in which case it would have been gone forever. I would rather endure the process and shoulder the expense of getting a new crown rather than searching through … oh, you know what I mean.

Anyway, through the good graces of Dr. Dentist, I was able to drop by late in the day to have my crown re-cemented. He did an expert job, but dammit, it just doesn’t feel the same as it did before it fell out. I’ll get used to it. Hell, I figure if it weren’t for the wonders of modern dentistry, I’d probably look like Barney Frank right about now.

Speaking of Barney Frank, is there a more detestable asshole on the planet?

That is all.

Update (even before this is posted): I finally got around to eating with my replaced crown, and there was lots of scrunching and sweaking as I chewed (the infernal high spot). Looks like I’ll be visiting Mr. Dentist again. Yo, it beats gumming your chow.

November 16, 2008

The Original Dubya Calls Again.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 1:51 pm

Some of you may remember that last February I received a telephone call from George Washington, the Original Dubya and our country’s first president. At that time, he was very interested in the candidacies of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

He said he would call again, and so he did.


Jimbo: Hello?

GW: Good evening, Jimbo. I hope you recognize my voice. I did say that I would call you again.

Jimbo: Do I recognize your voice? Holy crap! Oh, I’m sorry. Since your last call, I had convinced myself that I must have dreamed the whole thing, and here you are again, George Washington. Wow! Just wow!

GW: I received bits and pieces of news about the most recent election, and I hoped you would be able to answer some questions for me.

Jimbo: I’ll do my best, Mr. President.

GW: I heard that the colored man won. Is that true?

Jimbo: I believe we went over the “colored man” thing during our last call, sir.

GW: Oh, right. I’m sorry. So, this African American man won?

Jimbo: Yes, sir. That’s correct.

GW: Is his last name Washington? I was a bit surprised and pleased to learn how many colored … oh, I mean African Americans are named Washington – some quite famous.

Jimbo: No, sir. His name is Barack Obama.

GW: Barack Obama? What kind of a name is that?

Jimbo: It’s an African name, Mr. President.

GW: But, you said he’s an American.

Jimbo: You see, sir, his father was African. It’s a little complicated.

GW: So, his father was an African-American?

Jimbo: No, sir. He was African, from Kenya.

GW: And, his mother? Was she African too?

Jimbo: No, sir. She is an American, I believe from Kansas.

GW: Kansas?

Jimbo: Yes, sir. It’s one of the states now.

GW: So, she was an African-American?

Jimbo: No, sir. His mother was white.

GW: He’s a mulatto?

Jimbo: We definitely don’t use the term “mulatto” any more sir.

GW: Oh, my. This is all a bit confusing. What do you call such a person?

Jimbo: We refer to such persons as bi-racial, or a person of mixed race.

GW: That is quite something that such a man would be president. He must be quite remarkable. Tell me about his background. I’m sure he has an interesting history and has held many important positions.

Jimbo: Well, sir. He was a community organizer, then he ….

GW: What?

Jimbo: He was a community organizer, sir.

GW: I don’t believe I know what a community organizer is.

Jimbo: I’m not completely versed in the subject either, Mr. President, but I believe that a community organizer is a person goes into a town or city, makes speeches telling people how bad things are, holds rallies and forms groups to put pressure on the government to provide the things they want.

GW: Good grief! We used to call those kinds of people troublemakers.

GW: Did he do this on his own?

Jimbo: No, sir. In fact he worked to some extent with another community organizer named William Ayers who had a rather, shall I say, interesting past.

GW: What do you mean by “interesting past?”

Jimbo: It’s a bit complicated, sir. Are you familiar with the Vietnam War?

GW: Yes, I’ve read a bit about it. Sad how it turned out.

Jimbo: Yes, sir. That was sad. Anyway, during that war, William Ayers was an active member of a group that set bombs in federal and state buildings. In fact, while preparing a bomb to explode on an Army base, the bomb accidentally exploded, killing three of his associates. He married one of his associates and was a fugitive for many years.

GW: Good Lord. In my day, such a person would have been hanged. Surely, he spent many years in prison, this Ayers fellow.

Jimbo: No, sir. Charges against him were dismissed for prosecutorial misconduct.

GW: Prosecutorial misconduct? What in heaven’s name is that?

Jimbo: It’s really complicated, sir, but I believe the government gathered evidence against him in an improper way. I’d be happy to go into all this, if you wish, but I don’t know how much time you have.

GW: You’re right. I will have to look into this after this call. So, what else did this man do other than being a community troublemaker … I mean, organizer.

Jimbo: He served for a time in the State Senate of Illinois. Illinois became a state after you … well … died.

GW: Interesting. Well, that says something about the man. He must have been an outstanding legislator.

Jimbo: That’s not clear, sir, because no one was able to examine any of the documents he created or received while a state senator.

GW: What happened to the documents? Was there a fire?

Jimbo: No fire, sir. When asked, he stated that he didn’t know what happened to them.

GW: What? That’s preposterous.

Jimbo: Yes, sir. It does seem strange.

GW: Well, I assume that he is a well educated man.

Jimbo: Yes, Mr. President. He was graduated from Columbia University and Harvard Law School.

GW: Excellent, and how did he fare at those outstanding institutions?

Jimbo: No one was able to find that out, Mr. President, and to anticipate your next question, neither of those institutions has burned down.

GW: I’m beginning to think you are joking with me, Jimbo.

Jimbo: No, sir. I’m doing my best to answer your questions.

GW: My word. What else has this man done that would cause people to vote for him as their president?

Jimbo: Well, he did win an election to the United States Senate.

GW: Ah! I knew there was something. He had years of exemplary service in that venerable institution, and he certainly authored historic legislation, correct?

Jimbo: No, sir. I believe he served about 140 days before beginning his presidential campaign and voted “present” a good deal of the time.

GW: Oh, my. How about the military? He was a well-known military leader. That’s it, isn’t it?

Jimbo: No, Mr. President, he did not serve in the military.

GW: Is it true that the man he defeated in the election was a battle-tested officer in the United States Navy and spent twenty-six years in the United States Senate?

Jimbo: Yes, sir. That’s true.

GW: Please tell me that you’re joking with me, Jimbo.

Jimbo: No, Mr. President. I am not joking.

GW: Oh, my Lord. I’m not feeling well at the moment. I believe I will have to rest. It’s a shame, because I wanted to ask you about stories I have been hearing about the government actually seizing money from citizens and giving it to banks and private companies. Are those stories true?

Jimbo: Yes, sir. Those stories are true.

GW: Good God. I have to lie down. Before I do, let me ask you one more question.

Jimbo: Yes, Mr. President.

GW: I want to be sure I understood what you said. The man who was elected president actually associated with a person who was part of group that bombed federal buildings and tried to bomb an Army base?

Jimbo: Yes, sir. And, I forgot to mention his real estate dealings with a convicted felon.

GW: I beg your pardon, but I believe I feel the need to vomit. I’ll stay in touch. Good bye, Jimbo.

Jimbo: It’s always an honor to speak with you. Good bye, Mr. President.

November 15, 2008

“This is Your Captain Speaking.”

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:08 pm

I’d like to think that the guy who flew this plane would be the person saying those words during my next flight.

Via Synthstuff

November 14, 2008

Sadly, It’s Come to This.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:53 pm

Feel the love.

Via Gregor

New Jersey’s Red Ink.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:27 pm

Our governor, Jon Corzine (another Goldman Sachs genius), informed us that the current state deficit could reach $1.2 billion. The governor reported that, compared to the projections for October, revenues are off by $211 million.

Gross income tax collections were off by 14 percent, or $116 million; sales tax collections were 4 percent, or $28 million, below projections; and corporate business tax collections were off by 16 percent, or $30 million.

No shit, Sherlock.

This is what happens when a rotten-to-the-core state government tries to tax its way into prosperity and when it regulates businesses to the point where it simply makes no sense to do business in this state. Businesses flee, taking jobs with them, and people flee, unable to afford to live here, leaving fewer and fewer taxpayers to provide sustenance for the hoards of taxtakers.

The terrifying part is that the governor is not telling the entire story. As I have written before, the unfunded pension liabilities and the unfunded medical liabilities for state workers make that $1.2 billion look like a pre-teen’s allowance. (In the private sector, such unfunded liabilities would land people in jail).

That’s life … in a Blue State.

November 13, 2008

The Ultimate Wedding Dance.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 10:35 pm

I’ve seen plenty of “first dances” at weddings, but this one is a gem. I’d like to have a couple cocktails with this couple.

Thanks to my friend Brian, the Air Force Vet.

Note: Because the number of comments generated by this post (almost two-thousand) was causing problems for the webhost’s servers, I regret that commenting will no longer be possible.

Enjoy this amazing video.

Oh, and thanks for stopping by. Take a look around the place.

November 12, 2008

Back Online — The Comcast Experience.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:05 pm

Today the Comcast Technician arrived at the appointed time at the House by the Parkway. Pleasant enough fellow, upon entering, he said, “So, nothing’s working?” As we were taking the 15 or 20 steps to the room where the computer is located, I gave him the five-second summary, including the part where Comcast Telephone Support couldn’t get me online. He walked into the room as I was trying to relay the history of the problem, looked at the modem (two lights on) said, “The modem is on standby,” and with that he pressed the reset button and it began to work. He then installed a new length of cable between the modem and something under the desk.

Me: So, that’s it?

Cable Guy: Yep. Works fine now.

Me: What was the problem?

CG: Your modem was on standby.

Me: What? I must have pressed that same button twenty times and unplugged and re-plugged the modem twenty times.

CG: (shrugs – perhaps he thinks I am crazy?) Well, the switch is a little sticky. You should push it a bit towards the right when you push it in.

Me: Huh? Oh, and I also want to mention that this has happened a couple times in the past two weeks, and the problem corrected itself, without my doing anything. Other times, after I pressed the reset button ALL the lights on the modem came on and blinked simultaneously before it ultimately corrected itself, but not this time. You think maybe I need a new modem?

CG: Hmmm, yeah, maybe there is a problem with your modem even though it’s working fine now. You should probably get a new one, but I don’t have one on the truck. You could also pick one up at the Comcast office and install it yourself. It’s easy.


CG: If you have the problem again, call me directly (he gave me his number), and I’ll come by with a replacement modem. Please sign here.

Some thoughts:

1. I can only assume that the cable guy thought that I was lying about pressing the reset button multiple times, or that I was a complete idiot who never even tried to press the reset button.

2. I was quite surprised (maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised) to hear that a Comcast Technician doesn’t have modems on the truck. What the heck is in that truck?

3. I figure that for the forty or so bucks per month I pay for internet cable service, I shouldn’t have to deal with a modem with a “sticky switch,” and I damned sure shouldn’t have to deal with a modem that “probably should be replaced.”

4. I also figure that for the forty or so bucks per month I pay for internet cable service, I shouldn’t have to schlep off to the Comcast office, pick up a modem and install it myself.

5. While I appreciate the cable guy giving me his direct number, I wonder what will happen if I lose service three weeks from now. I suspect that if I use the number, he will not remember me and will direct me to call the office, which will start the annoying process all over again. In either case, it will involve yet another visit from the cable guy and more missed work.

6. Frankly, the only reason that I haven’t switched to Verizon is that I don’t want to go through the massive hassle of notifying all the right people and businesses of an e-mail address change. I may rethink that and begin preparing a list of who would have to be notified.

7. If you are thinking about getting high-speed internet service, think Verizon.

Update: Commenters share their Verizon experiences, pro and con.

« Previous PageNext Page »

Powered by WordPress