The Setting
Jimbo standing on line at the drugstore after a longer-than-usual ride home from work due to heavy Jersey traffic. There are two women ahead of me on line. The woman being waited on asks numerous questions about her prescriptions and her prescription insurance plan (all reasonable questions), but for each question, the young lady clerk behind the counter had to consult the pharmacist. As such, it was taking a bit of time.

Jimbo’s Bladder: “Yo!”

Jimbo: “What do you want?”

Bladder: “Where the hell are we?”

Jimbo: “We’re on line in a drug store. I have to pick up a prescription I dropped off this morning.”

Bladder: “In a drug store? Are you shitting me? After lunch you drank all that bottled water, and a couple Diet Cokes. I warned you before you left the office about that didn’t I? But did you stop at the men’s room? Noooooo.”

Jimbo: “Yeah, you did, but I wanted to get on the road. I thought everything would be OK.”

Bladder: “Well it wasn’t OK, dipshit. You got caught in traffic, and you even drank another Diet Coke in the car, didn’t you? Are you messin’ with me?”

Jimbo: “No I’m not. Look, I think that the lady at the counter is almost finished, then there will be only one person in front of me. Stop your bitching. We’ll be home in a few minutes. See? I told you. The first lady just left the counter.”

Clerk: “May I help you?”

Lady No. 2: “I’m here to pick up two prescriptions.”

Clerk: “And the name is?”

Lady No. 2: “My name is Adams.”

Clerk: Proceeds to the bin marked “Aa – Ai,” which contains prescriptions ready for pick-up. Looks through bin twice and returns to counter empty-handed. “How do you spell your name, Ma’am?”

Lady No. 2: “Adams – That’s A…D…A…M…S.”

Bladder: “What’s going on here? I thought you said only a couple minutes.”

Jimbo: “There seems to be some confusion over the Lady’s prescriptions. Calm down.”

Bladder: “Calm down, you say? Need I remind you that I’m working here with a sphincter that is not exactly factory fresh.”

Clerk: Returns to bin and looks through prescriptions again, and, this time also looks through the bin marked “Aj – Az.” She returns to the counter again empty-handed. “When did you drop the prescriptions off, Ma’am?”

Lady No. 2: Now, becoming annoyed. “At about ten this morning.”

Bladder: “This is bullshit. I can’t hold out much longer. I’m about to burst here. Dammit, I warned you before you left the office and all the damned way home in the car. You’re playin’ with fire, Jimbo.”

Jimbo: “Try to hold back just a little longer, will ya? I’m dying here. I don’t know what the hell is the problem with this lady’s prescriptions. Why me?”

Clerk: Looking puzzled, consults the computer, then consults with the pharmacist, and yet again, returns to the counter empty handed. “I’m very sorry ma’am, but we don’t have any record of prescriptions today for ‘Adams.’”

Bladder: “Christ! Did you hear that? You’re screwed, buddy. I’m about to blow.”

Lady No. 2: “Well, I’m picking up the prescriptions for my grandmother.”

Clerk: “Your grandmother? What’s her name?”

Lady No. 2: “Her name is Gianelli.”

Jimbo: “Yes, ma’am that would be my piss running down your leg.”

End Note: It’s all true, except for the last line, and, of course, the talking bladder. I barely made it home with my prescriptions before having a most embarrassing accident.