January 19, 2005

What the World Needs Now….

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:28 pm

Blowing Nose.jpgThank you for the “feel better” wishes, but unfortunately I still feel like warmed-over shit. However the upside is that having a brand-new cold can be a source of blog fodder.

In that regard, I have decided that what the world needs now is a disposable handkerchief. I’m not talking about “tissues,” which are completely useless when one’s nose is generating mass quantities of viscous slop, often expelled with the muzzle velocity of an M-16. Kleenex (particularly the “pocket-sized” variety) is about as useful as a postage stamp when confronted with the blowage from a mucus-laden schnozzola. One needs two more of those useless bits of paper to clean up the resulting nasal and digital mess.

Regular handkerchiefs are not much better. They work for the first half-dozen or so blows, but after that they become a wet, disgusting, germ-filled rag that gets put back in one’s pocket. What a clever idea, walking around with a large piece of wet, snot-filled cloth in one’s pocket.

The closest thing I have found to a disposable handkerchief is a paper towel, a soft one like Bounty. One can tear off individual sheets and carry a couple at a time. They are each about the size of a handkerchief, they can handle serious nasal discharges, and, when they become soggy they can be tossed. The problem is that they look like paper towels, which may not be appropriate for certain social or business settings.

Yep, the world definitely needs a disposable handkerchief.

Oh, and a “healthy” cigarette that doesn’t taste like ass would be cool too.

Good News, Bad News.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:44 am

The good news is that last night I had dinner with a friend from Germany, who bestowed upon me a bottle of most excellent Kirschwasser (Schnapps) made by a small distillery in Tuebingen. Dinner was great, as was the Kirschwasser, which I sampled as soon as I arrived back home.

The bad news is that I somehow caught yet ANOTHER farookin’ cold. I didn’t think that was medically possible, as I don’t think I ever completely recovered from the one I had in December. This one is a doozey. Together, the dinner, the Kirschwasser and the farookin’ cold accounted for last night’s non-blogging.

I did, however, respond to a couple e-mails from folks interested in attending Da Joisey Blogmeet.

Gotta run. I’ve got some serious sneezing, coughing, hacking and wheezing to do.

January 17, 2005

Da Jersey Blogmeet Update.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:29 pm

New Jersey Map.gifBecause the date originally scheduled for Da Jersey Blogmeet fell on Easter weekend, we decided to move the date of the event to Saturday, April 2, 2005.

The starting time has yet to be finalized (current thinking is sixish).

It will be held at the American Legion in Union, New Jersey.

The price ($30.00 per person) includes an open bar and a hot and cold buffet. All proceeds will benefit the American Legion.

Those interested in attending have two alternatives. You can send me an e-mail, and I will send you my snail mail address so that you can forward a check, or you can respond to Kate’s site and pay by PayPal.

The room has a limited capacity (something like fifty people), so get your money in early, lest you be left out in da cold.

Curious. (Updated)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:18 pm

Will those of you watch CBS News with Dan Rather kindly raise you hand.


I thought so.

Thanks. I was just wondering.

Update: Beautiful Atrocities shows us that Babs, one of the entertainment industry’s best-known blatherers, watches the Danster and feels that he has been done wrong.

January 16, 2005

Custom Sendoffs.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 11:03 am


According to the manufacturer, this baby is:

Packed for the trip home. This “Express Delivery” parcel is well suited to become a fitting epilogue for one who has demonstrated the virtues of living life with a sense of humor.

I believe that the manufacturer is on to something here. This seems to be a natural for the whoopie cushion, squirting flower, joy-buzzer and fake dog turd kind of folks.

The manufacturer offers a variety of “Theme Caskets.”

Of course, I got to thinking about what kind of “Theme Casket” I would like. I think I’ve settled in on one made of the real dark wood (mahogany, I think) used in old bars, the kind of places that sell hardboiled eggs and smell like stale beer. On the casket I would like the logo of every kind of booze I have “sampled” in my life. Very cool, no?

However, on second thought, my plan would likely require “decorating” not just the top and sides of the casket, but also the bottom and inside of the damned thing as well.

I’ll have to think on this a bit more – perhaps over a drink.

A most grateful hat-tip to Lovely Rita at Res Ipsa Loquitur, who, even though an alumna of the University of Arkansas, was not particularly taken with the prospect of being sent to the hereafter in a University of Arkansas, Razorback theme casket.

January 15, 2005

Jekyll Phone Call.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 3:41 pm

Hotel Lady (hereinafter, “HL”): “Hello. Jekyll Island Days Inn. May I help you?”

Jimbo: “Aaaay, Haya dooin’?”

HL: “Excuse me?”

Jimbo: “Yo, I said ‘haya dooin’?”

HL: “I’m sorry. I don’t quite understa….”

Jimbo: “Dat’s OK. I’m lookin’ to book a room for a couple a nights. Are you da – watchyacall – group reservation person?”

HL: “Yes, I am. How can I help you?”

Jimbo: “Tanks a lot. Like I said, I’m lookin’ to book a room for April fifteent and sixteent.”

HL: “What group are you with, sir?”

Jimbo: “Oh, lemme tink a minute. … OK, I remember. I’m wit da – watchyacall – Georgia Writers Workshop.”


Jimbo: “Yo! You still dere?”

HL: “Yes, I am. It’s just….Well, it’s just that you don’t sound like you’re from Georgia.”

Jimbo: “I dunno know how you’d know dat. You got a problem wit dat?”

HL: “And, if I may say so, you don’t sound much like a writer either.”

Jimbo: “Yo! What’s wit all da questions? Are you freakin’ coo-coo or some shit? You wit the FBI? I just wanna book da room.”

HL: “Frankly, I don’t know what you’re up to, but I don’t think you’re being honest.”

Jimbo: “Are you callin’ me a liar? What’s wit choo? Here I am talkin’ nice to you, and you’re given me a bunch a bullshit, like some kinda booTAHN!”

HL: “Look, I just sense that there is something funny going on here.”

Jimbo: “Funny? You mean like Rodney Freakin’ Dangerfield? You tink I’m tryin’ to be funny? You hear me laughin’? I don’t hear you laughin’. You’re beginnin’ to piss me off here. Are you gonna book da room or not?”

HL: “No, I will not book the room, because I don’t know what you’re up to, and I DON’T think you’re a Georgia writer, and, further, I doubt if any of the Georgia writers would even know you.”

Jimbo: “You gotta be shittin’ me. Check wit Velociman. He knows me.”


Jimbo: “You still dere?”

HL: “Did you say ‘Velociman’?”

Jimbo: “Yeah. Me and him are buddies.”

HL: “I had no idea. … I’d be happy to reserve a room for you, sir.”

Jimbo: “OK, it’s for da fifteent and sixteent. You got dat? Hey, youse guys anywhere near a liquor store?”

HL: “Yes sir. I have it, and yes, there is a liquor store nearby.”

Jimbo: “Dat’s good. Tanks.”

HL: “Sir?”

Jimbo: “Yeah?”

HL: “I’m sorry about the mix-up. I wasn’t aware that you know Veloci….”

Jimbo: “Aaaay, fuggetaboutit.”

January 14, 2005


Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:32 pm

At 5:31 Eastern Time, the Site Meter logged the 100,000th visit to this place. To be sure, compared to some, that number is not all that impressive, but it dazzles hell out of me. Two years ago, when a typical day resulted in a dozen visits, I would have laughed out loud at the prospect of ever seeing 100,000 hits. I am flattered beyond description.

The 100,000th visitor came in via Charter.com from the Central Time Zone. Whoever you are, thanks!

Over the last hour or so, I have been giving a bit of thought to what the “blogging experience” has given to me. Here are some random thoughts on that score.

I am reminded every day just how many talented writers there are out there who write for fun when they are not busy making a living doing things that have nothing to do with writing. Lately, when reading newspapers, magazines or books written by “professionals,” I often find myself thinking, “I know bloggers who could have written that better.”

Blogging has changed the way I look at everyday experiences, viewing each of them as potential blog fodder and quickly analyzing which of them would “write well” and which wouldn’t. I suspect that just about all bloggers share that experience.

I have learned that some entries, even complex ones, seem to write themselves, while others, which I had originally thought would be simple, require a good deal of mental wrestling and re-writing to get them right.

I have learned a good deal about how Life 101 presents itself in different parts of the country, and how foolish it is to think that America begins and ends with the tri-state area.

I have learned that sometimes I simply come up empty, and, on those occasions it can be difficult to avoid thinking that I will never, ever, ever again have anything to say about anything. I have learned that, at least so far, those thoughts are unwarranted.

I have learned that non-bloggers’ reactions to blogging cover the waterfront from outright derision (“It’s a stupid waste of time”), to curiosity (“How can you think of so much stuff to say?”) to genuine interest.

Probably the most valuable thing that blogging has given me is the opportunity to make lots of interesting friends. Some I know only through their blog and comments, some through e-mails, some over the phone, and some in person. Great folks all.

Thank you all for everything. A special thanks to Cousin Jack for suggesting that I might want to give this blogging thing a go.

January 12, 2005

Yo!!! Interested in a Jersey Blogmeet? (Updated)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:54 pm


New Jersey Map.gifSome offline communication has resulted in a decision to see whether there is any interest out there in attending a Jersey Blogmeet. Discussions are very preliminary, but here’s where things are at the moment. Please understand that some or all of the following is subject to change, based upon the interest that is shown in the event.

The Date: The working date is March 26, 2005

The Time: Starting time is to be determined. It will be over when the last person leaves.

The Place: The American Legion Lounge in Union, New Jersey, which serves as the meeting place for the Usual Suspects, about whom much has been written here.

The Details: Current plans call for an open bar and catered food. Therefore, a headcount and advance payment will be necessary. (The working figure at this moment is $30-35 per person).

Of course, non-Jersey Bloggers are also invited.

If you would be interested in attending such an event, please leave a comment here or on Kate’s site, and we’ll go from there, including providing a list of hotels/motels in the area.

P.S. If you have a guitar, please feel free to bring it, provided you’re willing to play it.

January 11, 2005

Groovy, Baby!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:54 pm

Jeff at Side Salad has posted pictures of a recent Austin Powers-themed party. When I first saw the pictures, my age sneaked up on me as it took me a moment to realize that the women were in “costume.” Hell, I thought they looked great!

I recall feeling somewhat the same way when I saw the movie Austin Powers. I thought most of the characters in the movie looked … well … normal. That’s not all that surprising for one who actually once owned clothes that looked like some of the stuff in the movie. I remember having a pair of gray and pink vertical striped, bell-bottom jeans that I proudly wore and considered myself to be the cat’s ass.

The band I was playing with back then wore various loud, multi-colored, patterned polyester shirts with bell-bottom slacks held up by wide belts with big buckles. Footwear consisted of leather boots with zippers on the sides. In addition, it was obligatory that hair covered one’s ears.

Truth is, we were the cat’s ass back then, even though now we might think we looked more like horse’s asses.

I sure wish I could have attended Jeff’s shindig. It looks like it was… well … groovy.

I would have fit right in, Baby.

January 10, 2005


Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:24 pm

I’ve been surveying some of the wonderful gifties I received for Christmas from friends and relatives. I have to prioritize.

Which should I open first?




(This one has to be handled with care)

Which one should I fire up first?
One of these?


One of these?

I like it when there are no bad choices.

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