December 10, 2005

Dear Shithead … (An Open Letter)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 2:31 pm

Dear Shithead Who Owns Rita’s Italian Ices:

There is a vexing irony in your operating a business that sells flavored ices to residents of this town and visitors during the warm weather, and your failing to remove the ice and snow (or arranging for the removal of same) from the sidewalk in front of your establishment once you close, in October, for the winter.

Sure, we sorry asses who buy your products in the warm weather can always step off the sidewalk and walk in the street to avoid the broken bones that may well result from trying to navigate the ice you failed to remove. However, that means choosing between falling on the ice or being clobbered by a car or truck on the heavily trafficked street – the traffic you so heavily count on in order to do business.

I hope this finds its way to you, although I am virtually certain that, once having made your bundle by selling ice to the people around here in the warm weather, your ass is soaking up the sun somewhere in Florida in your oceanfront home, while we are left to do our best not to break our asses trying to walk on the ice on your uncleared sidewalk.

Here’s the deal, Dorkbreath.

If I slip and injure myself as a result of your negligence, it is I who will be hiring people to sell flavored ice in what used to be your business, and, come October, it will be I who be enjoying the warm Florida weather in what used to be your house.

The only difference is that I will arrange to have someone make sure that the sidewalk is cleared after a snowstorm.


Very truly yours,

The Guy Who Walks Past Your Store Just About Every Morning – Even in the Winter

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