August 27, 2004

Golan Cipel — A Day at the Office.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:02 pm

Golan is sitting in a leather executive chair at his empty desk, thumbing through the most recent issue of American Bodybuilder magazine, when the phone rings.


Cipel: “Yes?”

Agent Fox: “Hello. Is this the New Jersey Office of Homeland Security?”

Cipel: “Yes it is.”

Agent Fox: “Finally! I’ve had trouble finding anyone who knows your phone number. Anyway, my name is Thomas Fox. I am a special agent with the FBI, and I have been assigned to the National Office of Homeland Security. I’m sorry, but I don’t have a lot of time here. We have received some troubling intel suggesting that you may have a problem in New Jersey some time within the next 48 hours. Homeland Security Secretary Ridge wants you to brief him in thirty minutes. He wants a summary of the Table of Organization and Equipment of the State Police, with special emphasis on identifying the number of state police personnel, and the type and amount of equipment, including weapons and communication gear, that can be deployed in the event of an attack on a petroleum storage facility or a sports arena. He also wants details on the makeup and skills of any special tactical units that would be available to respond as well. Any questions?”

Cipel: “I believe that you will need to talk to Mr. Cipel.”

Agent Fox: “What? Who is Mr. Cipel?”

Cipel: “He is the special counsel to the governor for New Jersey’s homeland security.”

Agent Fox: “Dammit, why didn’t you tell me that right away? OK let me speak with him.”

Cipel: “Sorry, sir. Mr. Cipel is not in the office at the moment, but I will let him know you called, and I’m sure that he will get back to you. He’s busy today and he’ll be on vacation tomorrow, but I am confident that he will call you first thing Monday morning.”

Agent Fox: “Monday Morning? This can’t wait ‘til…..”

Cipel: “I’ll be sure to give him the message.”

Agent Fox: “Hold it, dammit! Let me speak with…..”

Cipel: Like I said, sir. I’ll give him the message.


Cipel: (Dialing the phone) “Jeez!”


Nelson: “Hello.”

Cipel: “Nelson, bring the car around.”

Nelson: “How soon do you need it, sir?”

Cipel: “How soon do I need it? I need it NOW, BITCH. I’m already late for my pedicure.”

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