August 18, 2004

Olympic Synchronicity.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 10:15 pm

Synchronized divers.jpgThis year’s Olympics brings us synchronized diving, which I suppose is a natural outgrowth of synchronized swimming. Of course, that got me to wondering whether this might signal a future trend in Olympic sports. We at PRS like to stay ahead of the curve on such important issues, so it is with that in mind, that I would like to suggest other synchronized sports that the Olympic Committee might wish to consider for inclusion in future Olympic Games:

Synchronized Farting
Basis for Judging: The team’s performance will be judged based upon volume, timbre, duration, wetness, and bouquet. The scoring will also take into account the degree of difficulty. For example, an unadorned, single, monotone bowel wind will garner few difficulty points, but a high-pitched staccato gaseous release, replete with interesting rhythms can be a big winner here. Aesthetics notwithstanding, harmony gets the contestants nothing. Synchronicity is key here.

Suggested US Team: Michael Moore and Al Sharpton.

Synchronized Stupid
Basis for Judging: The team’s performance of three minutes in duration will be judged according to the extent to which it demonstrates a complete lack of substantive knowledge of their chosen subject matter, coupled with the arrogance with which their stupidity is conveyed (in perfect unison, of course).

Suggested US Team: Linda Ronstadt and Barbra Streisand.

Synchronized Lying
Basis for Judging: In order to score high points with the judges in this event, the partners must tell the world a completely outlandish story (again, in unison), which could only be believed by someone with the maturity of a three-year old and yet maintain a straight (non-red) face for the duration of the event.

Suggested US Team: Bill and Hillary Clinton. (Possible Alternates – Johnny Cochran and OJ Simpson. Other alternates, if necessary, can be chosen from a large pool of New Jersey politicians)

Synchronized Drunken Ranting
Basis of Judging: The team’s performance will be judged based upon their degree of intoxication, the mindlessness and general unintelligibility of the subject matter and the extent to which they can be thoroughly obnoxious in their delivery. Extra points can be earned with well-placed belches and hiccups.

Suggested US Team: Ted Kennedy and Ted Turner. (Possible alternates – Courtney Love and Sean Penn)

Synchronized Vulgar Gesturing
Basis for Judging: A team will be awarded points based on the number of vulgar gestures that can be exhibited in this three-minute event, with extra points being given for creatively combining gestures.

Suggested US Team: The US should not enter a team, as the Italian Team has a lock on this event.

New Jersey’s Political Swamp.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:41 pm

Overhaul Needed.
In a Star Ledger op-ed piece, Bob Braun urges that New Jersey’s form of government needs a major overhaul. The author claims that this can only be accomplished by convening a state constitutional convention to change the state constitution to provide for statewide elections for the positions of state controller (who could act as a “fiscal cop”) and lieutenant governor (who would be elected by the people, not by senators, to take over as governor in the event that the governor can no longer serve because of resignation or otherwise).

Braun opines that, most critical of all, is a change in the state’s constitution that would require the election of the state attorney general. Braun states:

Ponder this: We have a governor who quits because, he implies strongly, he faces blackmail from a former aide because he is gay. The FBI is on the case.

But, whoa! Doesn’t New Jersey have a criminal justice system? The same system that tried to intimidate [Robert] Martin? [a republican state senator who, according to Braun was paid “an early-morning visit by State Police detectives for voting against a governor’s choice for attorney general”] And isn’t extortion — blackmail — a state as well as federal crime?

So why haven’t we heard of a state investigation into the political self-destruction of Gov. James E. McGreevey? A call to Peter Harvey’s office elicited only that our attorney general is not investigating anything about our governor.

What a shock!

Braun’s position with regard to the need for a state attorney general who is not beholden to the governor for his job is bolstered by a demonstrated lack of anything resembling vigorous law enforcement efforts against corrupt state-government officials.

Rather than immediately jumping on the bandwagon for a constitutional convention, I have to give Braun’s proposals a bit more thought. However, I have to say that it seems obvious to me that the current political system is broken.

It’s Their Business.
I was disappointed upon seeing the headline on today’s Star Ledger, which screamed, “The Day McGreevey Shocked his Wife.” The article details an interview with a friend of Mr. and Mrs. McGreevey, who states with apparent certainty, that it was not until a few days before the governor’s resignation announcement that Mrs. McGreevey learned of her husband’s sexual orientation.

While I find it a bit difficult to believe that Mrs. McGreevey knew nothing of the governor’s sexual preference until a few days ago, I do not believe that the story was at all newsworthy, much less deserving of the headline. Indeed, in my view, the interactions between Mr. and Mrs. McGreevey concerning this matter are no one’s business but theirs.

Rogue’s Gallery.
Here is an excellent rundown of some of the more notable convicted, indicted (or under investigation), and ethically challenged New Jersey political “success stories”.

And finally…
For complete roundup of today’s developments in the Jersey Swamp, check out The Bad Hair Blog and DynamoBuzz.

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