August 21, 2004

It Happened in the Hamptons. (Updated 8/22)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 10:41 pm

One of PRS’s operatives attended a veddy, veddy posh, veddy veddy exclusive seaside cocktail party in the Hamptons and recorded the following conversation between Paris Hilton (cradling her pet Chihuahua, Tinkerbell, dressed in doggy mink) and presidential hopeful John Kerry:

Kerry: “Those Swift Boat guys are making my life miserable. The are all liars. Every single one of them. It’s nothing more than a republican- organized smear campaign.”

Paris: “Did you hear that I found my dog, Tinkerbell? The poor thing was lost, and I, like, offered a reward, but I, like, found her. I was sooooooooo happy. I was, like, yippeeeee, I have my doggy back. Isn’t that, like, really great?”

Kerry: “Please listen to me. These guys are all lying through their teeth. Nothing they say is true. Nothing at all, I tell you. Can you believe that they actually questioning my heroism in the war. I was in Vietnam, you know. Bastards. Traitors. Every damned one of them.”

Paris: “Let’s get out of here, Tinkie. This man is frightening me.”

……..Later that day…….

John Kerry: “Dan! Hello there. Nice to see you here.”

Dan Rather: “Hi, John. Great party, no?”

John Kerry: “Sure is. Have you tried the Brie? It’s marvelous. Listen Dan; I want to talk to you about this John O’Neill guy and his Swift Boat buddies. Those bastards and their damned ads are a royal pain in my ass.”

Dan Rather: “Don’t worry about a thing. We’ve got your back on this one.”

John Kerry: “Thanks. I knew I could count on you.”

Dan Rather: “I talked to Tom and Pete, and they told me to tell you that they’ve got the Swift Boat thing covered too.”

John Kerry: “That’s wonderful. Please tell them thanks for me.”

Dan Rather: “No problem. But, speaking of ‘pain in the ass,’ I am curious about one thing.”

John Kerry: “What’s that, buddy?”

Dan Rather: “The shrapnel in your ass – Is it true that really was rice? Off the record, of course.”

John Kerry: “Not funny, Dan.”

Interesting Medal Count.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:52 pm

TigerHawk, a Jersey Blogger, has posted an interesting Olympic medal count. It compares the number of medals won by the Coalition of the Willing versus the number won by The Finks Unwilling.

As of Friday, the Good Guys were ahead.

Out of the Woodwork.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 3:02 am

Dr. David Miller, who a couple days ago got his fifteen minutes of fame by claiming to be an ex-lover of Golan Cipel, yesterday was ordered by an Essex County Superior Court Judge to have his head examined.

It seems that, in addition to claiming to be Golan Cipel’s former lover, he also stated that he is a CIA operative, that he takes special pills to make his skin appear darker (thereby permitting infiltration of “unnamed groups”), and that his tenant in his home has al-Quaida connections and is planning to blow up the Essex County Courthouse and nearby Hall of Records.

He was charged with impersonating law officers and public officials, making a false public alarm and a false report to law enforcement.

The prosecutor stated that the charges “are not related to Golan Cipel.”

…and the beat goes on.

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