Well, now that the election is over, I suppose I should remove the two campaign buttons on the sidebar. I don’t want them to become the cyber-equivalent of a faded, old bumper sticker from a campaign long ago concluded.

However, if you recall the pain I experienced getting the first button up there and functioning, you know why I quake with fear at the thought of again tangling ass with Mr. Template. My bowels loosen each time that blast of HTML lights up on my screen.

I actually hear it mocking me for my incompetence.

Mr. Template: “Come on, Jimbo. You want a piece of me? Let’s see what you got.”

Me:

Mr. Template: “Oooohhh, tough guy. I see you’re pasting a copy of me into a Word document. You don’t have a hair on your ass if you don’t just dive in and start changing shit, you sissy boy.”

Me:

Mr. Template: “Waddya gonna do now? Print it out and study it as if you were planning a freakin’ moon shot? You are pathetic.”

Me:

Mr. Template: “Let’s go Chickie Chickie. It’s easy. A little “div class” here, a little “div class” there, and some well-place quotation marks. It’s a snap for anybody who’s not a chicken shit like you. Just don’t drop your guard, or I’ll turn this place into something that looks like the Rosetta Stone.”

Me: “Will you shut the hell up! I’m trying to concentrate here.”

Mr. Template: “Concentrate all you want, dipshit. You got nuthin’.”

Me: “Screw you. I’m gonna do this tomorrow.”

Mr. Template: “Works every time.”

I just returned from having spent a couple hours in Costco along with appeared to half population of the state of New Jersey. Costco on Saturdays is roughly equivalent to the 7th or 8th circle of Dante’s Inferno.

I could really use this right about now.

Eric has more pictures of the loud, obnoxius, booze-filled stumblefest Philosophy Club Conference that was held in Helen, Georgia.

This is sad.

It is website on which people are invited to submit pictures of themselves expressing “to the rest of the world” on hand held signs (no sound) how sorry they are that President Bush was re-elected. Some are even taking the opportunity to appeal to the terrorists to please refrain from bombing their particular location.

Words fail.

If you feel like bothering, the download may be a tad slow, due to either the images or the traffic the place is probably getting.

Thanks to Mike for the link.

Update: The link now leads to a “Go Daddy” site. I verified that the URL was the same one that worked earlier today. The pictures were large, so maybe the site quickly smoked its bandwidth (like I know shit from Shinola about bandwidth). Then again, maybe some computer whiz smoked the site. Even though I found the site to be utterly loathsome, I would not want to see it hacked. I prefer to leave that kind of crap to the other side.

Update 2: Dan Kauffman has provided a working URL in the comments to this post.

Yesterday, an F-16 fighter, piloted by a member of the New Jersey Air National Guard, fired on an elementary school in Little Egg Harbor, New Jersey. The pilot was supposed to fire the M61 A1 Vulcan cannon at a target at a nearby firing range that covers 2,400 acres. However, something went awry, resulting in twenty-five of the two inch projectiles going through the roof of the school and into the parking lot.

Fortunately, the custodian was the only person in the building at the time, and he was not harmed.

Apparently this is not the first incident involving military training flights. In June 2002, another F-16 crashed near the Garden State Parkway during surface attack training (the pilot ejected safely), and in 1999 and 2002, forest fires that burned approximately 12,000 acres of woodland were blamed on “errant bombs” dropped during training exercises.

The military is investigating.

I certainly hope so.

Update: This story has now gone international. Here is a piece that appears at a UK site (newspaper? fish wrap?), written with all the sarcasm one would expect, particularly since the author is writing from San Francisco.

Thanks to A Different Lemming for sending me the link.

While scrolling through the treasure trove that is The Presurfer, I came across a site that is dedicated to possibly the World’s Worst Actor. He is to acting what Wing is to music**. The site offers, among other things, a lesson on “How to speak like Shatner,” “Shatner Self Defence,” [It’s a British site] and “The Kama Shatra.” For those of us who derive some inexplicable pleasure (albeit like picking at a scab) from watching Shat do his stuff, this site is a must.

I know what you’re thinking. “Yo, Jimbo, so he’s a lousy actor, but he probably is a swell guy in real life.” I have never had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Shatner, but this guy did, and he was not impressed.

**Although it is difficult for me to imagine that anyone could commit a musical tort more effectively than Wing, the Shat deserves honorable mention. Go here, and select William Shatner’s version of “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,” and if after listening to that you haven’t died of terminal hair pain, click on “Mr. Tambourine Man.” For a Special Bonus, don’t miss Leonard Nimoy rockin’ the house with “Proud Mary.”

Roberto at DynamoBuzz has some interesting information about voter turnout in New Jersey this year. It is quite surprising, given that this is a “Blue State,” which is viewed as a “Gimme” by the democrats.

John: “Well, that’s it, Teresa. I made my concession speech. I’m absolutely exhausted, emotionally and physically, and I know that you must be too.”

Teresa:

John: “I know just what we need. We need to get away for a few weeks to rest and regroup. I was thinking that we should hop on the Glufstream 5 and head off for Paris for a week or so, and maybe after that, Monte Carlo. I could do some windsurfing.”

Teresa: “You’d better think again, Jake.”

John: “Huh?”

Teresa: “Get out.”

John: “Get out? What are you talking about?”

Teresa: “You heard me. Get your ass out of here. Pierre is packing up your shit now. Be sure to tell him where to send it.”

John: “You must be teasing me, Muffin. You can’t be serious.”

Teresa: “Do I look like I’m doing comedy here? I want you out of here, now!”

John: “I can’t believe this. Why?”

Teresa: “Our deal was the White House ““ nothing less. You lost, so now you can hit the goddamned bricks.”

John: “I know you’re upset, Muffin. Maybe a couple weeks away would do us both good.”

Teresa: “Asshole, what part of GET OUT didn’t you get? Get out!”

John: “OK, I am sure that you will feel better in a day or so, so I’ll spend a couple days in our place in Nantucket, and call you from there.”

Teresa: “What do you mean “˜our place’ in Nantucket? The house in Nantucket and all the other houses are mine, Dork Puss. Remember the agreement you signed?”

John: “But Muffin, where will I go? What will I do?”

Teresa: “Frankly, John, I don’t give a damn.”

John:

The democrats want to wait until the provisional votes in Ohio are counted. Fair enough, but it appears that the numbers are just not there. Even James Carville agrees — at least he did two hours ago.

Several of Mr. Kerry’s big supporters, Dan Rather, Andrea Mitchell, Leslie Stahl, and Peter Jennings were obviously devastated by the results.

I voted early this morning for President Bush and a few local people. I could not vote against The Waste of Space my Congressman, because he ran unopposed. How sad is that?

Anyway, at this moment, I am too wired to write anything more complicated than this.

Maybe I’ll be back later, if I have not had a cerebrovascular accident watching this all play out.

GO BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!