I think it’s fair to say that anyone who maintains a blog likes to have readers. If not, one might just as well write his silly shit in a notebook and keep it under the bed. I loves da peeps who read this baloney. Having said that, I must say that some of my readers and “friends” are sadistic rat bastards.

Yo, Jimbo. That’s pretty harsh, no?”

No, it’s not, when you consider that I have made no secret of my being scared shitless of alligators. These prehistoric monsters make my goddamned skin crawl.

You would think that people who give up a piece of their time to visit this place would be sensitive to my fears (which, by the way, are completely rational, thankyouverymuch), but nooooooooooo.

Not a week goes by without one of these toids sending me an e-mail that invariably contains a link to a horrible picture or story about goddamned alligators. This sadist, who happens to live in Africa, never misses an opportunity to scare the shit out of me with photos of either a gator or a croc gobbling up some sorry ass animal. Bloggers such as the Wiseass Jooette have even invested her own money to buy my a gift for the sole purpose of torturing me. Same goes for this guy.

Another blogger called me on the phone, real time, laughing her ass off while describing a bigass gator crossing the road in front of her car. Yeah, that’s right. She called me from fifteen hundred miles away just to break my stindeens about a large pre-historic beast crossing the road. WTF? Hell, a few days ago, another blogger posted a farookin’ revolting picture, knowing that I would see it.

Some even invade my own blog to torment me with alligator shit.

The foregoing is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Suffice it to say that there are legions of shithooks out there who just can’t wait to send me stuff about alligators, knowing that it will loosen my damned bowels.

The clincher may have come this week from reader Dick, who sent me a clip that I could not bear to watch until the end. ACK!!! Go ahead and watch it, but PLEASE don’t tell me if anyone of those assholes got his head bitten off.

Despite all the abuse, I still appreciate all of youse who stop by — even the rat bastards.

When I find myself thinking that I’m Mister Smarty Pants of the World, I like to pop into Carl Brannen’s site to see what he’s thinking about. My visits are both humbling and therapeutic, because they always serve to remind me of how little I know about some things. A pass through the comments is even more humbling when I see that there are peeps out there who understand exactly what he’s talking about.

Amazing.

Don’t worry; there won’t be a quiz.

Last night, I sent e-mails to Senators Snowe and Collins of Maine and to Senator Specter from Pennsylvania, the three Republican Senators who reportedly were leaning in the direction of voting in favor of the dreadful “Stimulus” Bill. In each case, I respectfully shared my views on the bill and urged them not to vote for it.

In short order, I received two robo-replies via e-mail, one from Senator Collins’ office and one from the office of Senator Specter. The reply from Senator Collins’ simply acknowledged receipt of the e-mail and indicated that a response would be forthcoming if I had requested one (I had requested one).

The response from Senator Specter suggested that, because I am not a Pennsylvania resident, I should not expect a response and that perhaps I should not bother him, but rather deal with my own Senators. Here is the pertinent portion of the e-mail for the office of Senator Specter:

(Please do not reply to this email)

Thank you for taking the time to contact me.

I receive a large volume of E-mails, phone calls, faxes and letters every week from concerned citizens like yourself.
Unfortunately, due to the high volume of mail, I can only respond if you’re a resident of Pennsylvania. If you need to find out who your U.S. Senator is please go to www.senate.gov.

Golly, Senator, I apologize for wasting your time, but I am a U.S. Citizen, and I wrote to you because you are about to put your fingerprints on a monumentally horrible piece of legislation that will affect citizens in all fifty states, not just Pennsylvania. In fact, it will affect future generations of citizens of all fifty states, not just Pennsylvania. I foolishly thought that you might want to hear what supporters of your party think of the Bill.

As for my Senators, I assure you I know their names, and I do write to them from time to time. There is no point in writing to them about this Bill, because, if they had their way, the Bill would be twice its size.

I suggest that if you are going to vote with the Democrats on this Bill, you might just as well change your party affiliation, because I want no part of this Bill, or any so-called Republican who votes for it.

Sincerely,
Jim

RINNNNNNNNGGGG

Barack: This is the President of the United States, the Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces, the Leader of the Free World and the Most Powerful Man on the Planet speaking.

Rahm: Cut the f**kin’ shit, Barack, it’s me.

Barack: Hey, Rahm. Wassup? Can we make this brief? Did you know I can get any goddamned movie I want here? I don’t know how they do it. You caught me in the middle of watching “Shaft.” I f**kin love that move. “This cat Shaft is a bad mother –“

Rahm: Barack…..

Barack: I think I wanna carry a gun, just like Shaft. “Who’s the cat that won’t cop out, when there’s danger all about….. Shaft!” Damn!

Rahm: Barack, listen to me. We’re having problems with the Stimulus Package.

Barack: What kind of problems?

Rahm: The f**kin’ republicans and even the f**kin’ press; they’re bitchin’ about some of the shit in the Bill and people are beginning to pay attention.

Barack: What kind of shit is in there that they’re bitchin’ about? Nancy said it’s a good Bill.

Rahm: Are you f**kin’ shitting me? You’re talkin’ to me, Barack. There’s tons of shit in there. Surely you’ve read it.

Barack: Of course, I haven’t read it. The thing is damned near seven-hundred pages long, Rahm. What the f**k?

Rahm: Well, we’re gonna have to do something. The shit’s unraveling in the Senate.

Barack: Who is making trouble up there?

Rahm: This prick, Inhofe from Oklahoma, is running his mouth, and people are paying attention.

Barack: But, the focus group liked the Bill.

Rahm: That focus group shit is two f**kin’ weeks old! Are you f**kin’ listening to me? We have a f**kin’ problem with this Inhofe guy.

Barack: OK, tell the asshole I’ll meet him one on one on television.

Rahm: I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to debate a senator on television.

Barack: I’m not talking debate. I’m talking basketball. One on one. I’ll kick his ass. Ever see me hit those three pointers? I f**kin’ rule!

Rahm: Jesus, Barack. That’s the dumbest f**kin’ idea I’ve ever heard.

Barack: OK, smartass. You’re supposed to be the baddest guy on the block. Just f**kin’ fix it, and don’t f**kin’ bother me with your bullshit problems. I’m trying to watch a f**kin’ movie.

Rahm: OK. OK. I’ll f**kin’ handle it.

Barack: Oh, and check on the gun thing and maybe a cool black outfit too. “This cat Barack is a bad mother –“

Rahm: Yeah, I’ll get right the f**k on it.

Barack: Rahm?

click

As many of you know, Craig of mtpolitics.net (the nicest guy in the Blogosphere), has voluntarily undertaken the care and feeding of this blog since January 16, 2004, when he moved PRS from BlogSpot. Yes, it’s true. This Jersey blog resides in a magic box somewhere in Montana. Over the years, Craig has patiently, and with good humor, put up with my dumb questions and occasional cyber-doofus hysterics.

About a year or so ago, the webhosting service, without notice, “SUSPENDED” its service, publicly giving the impression on its obnoxious, bullshit screen that it was owed money. Wrong. The problem then was “too much spam and the algorithms in Movable Type used to block spam.” To placate the knuckleheads at the hosting service and one hysterical knucklehead in New Jersey, Craig switched this site to WordPress. Since then, he has done a couple WordPress updates for me, each time tolerating my stupid questions and hysterics.

As a result of the most recent turd tossed our way by the hosting service, Craig will be moving our sites to a new webhost. As such, there may be some outages while he works his techno-magic and while I stumble around trying to do the one or two things I have to do (change the host name somewhere or other – I forget).

So, if the place goes dark, or shows up in purple and yellow, you’ll know that my good friend Craig is somewhere in Montana again getting my shit together.

I cannot thank him enough.

Since you left military service, you’ve held your hand over your heart during the playing of the National Anthem, during the Pledge of Allegiance, during the raising or lowering of the colors, or while the colors were passing by. You showed respect in this manner, because a military salute was reserved only for military personnel in uniform.

Now, thanks to a Congressional Amendment sponsored by Senator James Inhofe (R-OK) in the National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2009, members of the armed forces and veterans present during such occasions, but not in uniform, may render a military salute.

Senator Inhofe has said that “Veterans and service members continue representing the military services even when not in uniform. The U.S. Code is now consistent for Veterans and all service members in regards to the symbolic gesture of the military salute.”

Thanks, Senator Inhofe. Much appreciated.

Contrary to the obnoxious and frankly libelous “Account Suspended” screen put up by the hosting service, which would lead a reasonable person to believe that the hosting service’s ball wasn’t paid, the account was “suspended” without notice because a video I posted went viral. It didn’t go viral overnight. They had ample opportunity to provide notice of an impending problem.

We’re dealing with it. Details at eleven.

Dear Diary,

O.M.F.G.!!!!!!! What a time it has been!!!!! No wonder I have neglected my diary. Here are the high points.

Prior to Election Day, I was really busy being the SPEAKER in the House and attending campaign events. I am a very important person who does very important and very non-partisan work, like attending meetings with Barney Frank. He’s soooooo smart, and he’s an absolute hoot! I get a special kick out of him, because … well … you know. When I see him I always say, “Barney, are you sure you don’t want to touch my tits? Everyone else does.”

He always giggles and says, “Oh Nancy, you’re such a naughty vixen. If they were only manboobs!” He’s a real pisser, I tell ya. Once, I even tricked him into saying “Sufferin’ Succotash!” LMAO!!!!

Then came election day. Holy shit. Except for a half-dozen glasses of Cristal in the morning (mixed with a capful of orange juice makes it a health drink), I didn’t drink until the polls closed. OK, I’m lying. I drank like a fish all damned day, and when I wasn’t drinking I was burning up some primo shit.

You know how they say people remember exactly what they were doing when something BIG happened? You know? Like the Kennedy assassination, or the unveiling of a new line of Gucci bags? Well, I can tell you exactly what I was doing when CNN called the election for Obama. I was wearing my French Maid’s outfit. I was shitfaced and stoned with my hand down the pants of a Hungarian Hunk named Miklos, whom I rented for the day. OMFG!!!! While Wolf Blitzer was still talking, Miklos ripped off my outfit and went to town. Hollllllly shit! He sure knows his way around my goulash. It was AWESOME!!!

Poor Hilly. I called her to see if she wanted to come over for some refreshments and to see Miklos play naked Gypsy violin music, especially the songs where he uses his “special bow!!” OMFG!!!! I could barely understand her on the phone. She was breathless, crying and yelling and screaming all sorts of obscenities at Bill. I’m pretty sure she was throwing stuff too. Oh, well. Sucks to be her.

Unfortunately, after the election, I still had to some very important SPEAKER stuff to do, like, working with Barney and Chris to straighten out the financial mess that the maroon from Texas and his failed policies got us into. That Chris is a really smart guy, and he told me that if I’d flash him, he’d get me a sweet re-financing deal. Boobs away!!!!! LOL!!!!! What a hoot.

Inauguration Day was un-freakin’believable. It was totally awesome being on the podium with other seriously important people, even though it was cold as hell. I didn’t much appreciate Harry Reid rubbing his thing against my ass and whispering “I know how to keep you warm, Nancy.” During the President’s speech, no less! Well, I guess I can’t blame him.

The parties!!!! There were so many, but my favorite was the one thrown by MSNBC. I never saw so much excellent blow in one place at one time. Totally AWESOME. Keith Olbermann was in the kitchen, drunk as shit, drinking German beer from one of those stein things. Actually, he was dribbling more than he was drinking, because he was doing nonstop “special commentaries.” He is really smart. When he noticed me in the room, he stopped talking and walked right up to me and stared at my tits. I said, “Like what you see, Slugger?”

He took off his glasses and said, “Don’t you think I look like Superman when I take my glasses off? Check it out. Glasses on – Keith Olbermann. Glasses off – Superman!” Like I said, the guy is really, truly smart. Awesomely smart.

Chrissy Mathews showed up. OMG, he is soooooo cute. If you think he talks fast on television, you should have seen him after he’s done a couple lines of premier blow. Holy crappitolly!! He’s like a verbal string of firecrackers! He walked up to me and said, “I love a Ginny broad with a sweet ass. You send a major tingle up my leg.” With that, he hustled my fine ass into the kitchen pantry. Maybe it was the blow, but now I think I know why they call him “Tweety.”

The things I do for my country.

Vol 1
Vol 2
Vol 3
Vol 4
Vol 5
Vol 6
Vol. 7
Vol. 8
Vol. 9
Vol.10
Vol. 11
Vol. 12

I sorely needed a laugh today, having seen over the last twelve days a preview of what we can expect from The One and the Democrats in Washington over the next four two years.

via C&S