December 25, 2004

Merry Christmas

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 5:18 am


I thank you all for finding this place to be worthy of some of your valuable time, and I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy new year.

December 24, 2004

Christmas Lessons.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:12 pm

OkieMinnie Me has done some heavy lifting to provide us with a series of posts dealing with the background of many of the Christmas traditions. Here they are:


Star and Angels


Christmas Tree and Ornaments

The Nativity

Bells, Nutcrackers, Candy Canes

Christmas Food

St. Nicholas & Stockings, Santa Claus

Colors of Christmas and Cards

Gifts ane Wise Men
Lots of interesting stuff there. Thanks, OkieMinnie.

The Blog Novella – The Final Chapter.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 2:45 pm

The Final Chapter of The Blog Novella, a project launched by Christina of Feisty Repartee, is up, courtesy of Mr. Helpful. I salute all of those bloggers who conntributed, none of them writers by trade, but one would never know.

Well done!

December 23, 2004

Yo, Santa!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 2:29 pm

Fellow Jersey Blogger, Sluggo a/k/a Mike, went here to ask Santa for a Cadillac New Jersey. He specified the “DeCavalcante Model.”

Da guy’s got good freakin’ taste. Yo, Sluggo, if Santa doesn’t do da right ting, give him and his freakin’ reindeer a BADDA BING!

Lawyers and Irish Drunks.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 12:34 pm

People often send me jokes about lawyers and Irish drunks. I can’t imagine why.

Occasionally, I run across one myself that I had not heard before, such as this one*, which, as my Granny used to say, “handed me a laugh.”

An Irishman’s been at a pub all night drinking.
The bartender finally says that the bar is closed.
So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face.
He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh
air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face.
So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls
flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs.
When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up.
This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing
over him shouting at him.

“So, you’ve been out drinking again!”

“How did you know?” he asks.

“The pub called, you left your damn wheelchair there again.”

*I normally don’t post jokes, figuring that many of you have already heard or read them elsewhere, and I know that this is the second joke I’ve posted in as many days. Maybe it’s the season.

December 22, 2004

The Cadillac New Jersey.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:57 pm

During today’s walk, I saw a Mercury MONTANA, a Chevrolet COLORADO, and a Dodge DAKOTA. I am also aware that Chrysler used to manufacture a car called the NEW YORKER. Now, I certainly have nothing against Montana, Colorado, Dakota (North or South), or New York. Hell, I have friends in most of those places. However, I think it’s high time that the auto industry manufactured a car named after the Garden State.

Yo, General Motors’ Cadillac Division, I’m calling you out!

Tony Soprano drives a Caddy, as do boatloads of real-life pinkie-ring wearing, kneecap breaking guys in the Garden State. It is also the preferred ride of union bosses, doctors, and plaintiffs’ lawyers in these parts. The market is there, and the time is right. I can see the ad now:

For the ultimate in luxury and safety, General Motors is proud to introduce the 2005 Cadillac New Jersey. While this stellar example of the finest in American engineering has been designed to keep you safe and comfortable in traffic jams that can last for hours, the Cadillac New Jersey is also capable of unleashing its 450 horses at a second’s notice, whether on the highway, or wherever you may be when a quick getaway is a must. This beauty comes standard with a 100 watt, 12 speaker, multi-disc stereo system, which has been specially wired and calibrated to flawlessly receive a dedicated satellite feed that plays nothing but Sinatra, Dean Martin, Al Martino, and Gerry Vale, 24/7.

In addition, the Cadillac New Jersey boasts important safety features such as bulletproof windows and doors and an optional armored undercarriage. Other options include: a multi-band police scanner, pasta bar, easy access gun ports, and a hermetically sealed, steam cleanable trunk to prevent unwanted odors from entering the passenger compartment.

The Cadillac New Jersey…..It’s a great freakin’ cah.

Comment Spammers.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 5:28 pm

Randy at SFO Life has posted the perfect cartoon relating to these rat bastards.

Strange E-Mails.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 2:52 pm

Lately I have been receiving e-mails in which the sender and subject fields are blank. Only the date appears. Of course, I don’t open those babies, fearing that doing so would render this computer a smoking mass of melted plastic.

I assume that these e-mails are generated by some kind of auto-spamming giz-whiz. However, if anyone out there has been sending me such e-mails and has been wondering why I have not responded, now you know.

Talking Dog.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 5:23 am

Something from the mailbag*.

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog For Sale.” He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the Lab replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger, so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. “Ten dollars.” The guy says.

“This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar. He didn’t do any of that shit.”

*Thanks to my friend Brian, the Air Force Vet.

December 21, 2004

Engagement Photos.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:05 pm

I notice that it has become the custom (at least in these parts) for engaged couples to place a photo of themselves in the local paper. In my day (a hundred or so years after the last dinosaur threw the sixes) only the woman’s picture was placed in the local newspapers. The headline always read, “Troth Told,” as if that made any damned sense to anyone. I must confess that when I was very young (much too young to have been betrothed), I had thought that “Troth” was a typo, and that the headline should have read “Truth Told,” not that that would have made any damned sense either.

Anyway, back to today.

The photos of the engaged couples are often informal and show the man and woman tastefully dressed and posed in such a way that makes it clear that they are romantically involved. However, the other day, I saw an engagement photo in which the man needed a shave and was wearing a baseball cap turned backwards. The woman was wearing a tee shirt and looked like she did her hair with an eggbeater. It was clear that this was not a candid photo, but rather was one that they (or someone else) paid a professional photographer to shoot in a studio. I can only assume that the couple thought they looked sharp. I thought they looked like slobs who lacked a basic understanding of the “time and place” rule.

Then again, the troth is that maybe I’m just becoming an old fart.

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