WTF??

“Yo, barkeep. Ixnay on the Stoli. I’ll have a Svedka on the rocks.”

Are you bothered by any of these things?

Traffic jams around shopping malls.

Parents who let their kids run loose in stores.

Waiting on long lines at stores to pay too much money for too many dumb things.

Credit card solicitations.

Commercials that suggest that things like a plunger or a box of paper clips make a “perfect holiday gift.”

Driving yourself nuts trying to figure out what to buy for someone who doesn’t “need” a damned thing.

Bruce Springsteen singing “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”

(For bloggers) – The feeling that you have already written every original thought you have had or that you are ever likely to have.

If any or all of the above is frosting your ass, contact your doctor immediately and ask for a prescription for this.

Thanks to my friend Brian, the Air Force vet.

This morning I found myself wondering if there is anyone more strident and annoying than this loudmouthed, obnoxious dizzball.** She manages to make my hair and my teeth hurt all at the same time.

**Of course, there is always Hillary. However, while she is every bit as strident and annoying as Eleanor Clift, Hillary is not a dizzball. Rather, she is one dangerous, Machiavellian bitch. And those are her good points.

Sean Hackbarth of The American Mind has been blogging for five years. After having done this for a couple of years, and knowing what it takes, I have the utmost respect for this blogger and for his blog. In addition, I am kicking myself in the pants for having essentially lost his site amid the legions of blogs that I have bookmarked but don’t visit as often as I would like. I’m fixing that today by placing this excellent blog on Mr. Blogroll for regular reading.

Thanks, and I am looking forward to the next five.

As I write this, a clutch of my Jawja Blogger Buddies are in the process of getting hammered in Athens, Georgia. I wish I were there. I could use a bit of pickin’, grinnin’ and a cocktail or three with them all.

As Dax would say, “Just damn!”

I was just outside undergoing a special part of the annual Christmas torture putting up Christmas lights. As compared to some of the zillion watt displays in the neighborhood, mine is downright skimpy considerably smaller, but quite fetching nonetheless.

The lights are all purplish-pink, the kind one normally only sees in Cape May, New Jersey. You can’t buy those babies up here, and they are even difficult to find in the stores in Cape May (the residents must all go to a secret store), so I went online and found them.

You’ll know the house when you see it, not only because of the purplish-pink lights, but also because of the traffic jam I expect will result on the Parkway, as people flock to the Extravaganza.

A couple more hours of Christmas-related drudgery fun, and it will time for cocktails.

Yes!

My friend Craig is asking for a favor. When the Nicest Guy in the Blogosphere asks for a favor, I snap to. Anyway, December 11th (that would be today) is Craig’s wife’s birthday. In that regard, he (and, therefore, I) ask that you take a moment to send a birthday wish to Mrs. Craig at spousalunit@mtpolitics.net. He, I, and she would appreciate it very much.

Thanks.

I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell hate to have to wear a tie. To me, it is akin to a multi-colored noose that serves only as a food magnet. Curiously, the price of the tie seems magically to be directly proportional to the amount of food it attracts and the staining power of said food, particularly mayonnaise and other oil-based edible gookum. My dry cleaner has put a kid through college removing “lunch” from my ties.

I have often wondered just who should be blamed for inflicting this useless fashion accessory on men all over the world. It turns out that it wasn’t a single person at fault, but rather a regiment of Croatian soldiers who, after kicking the Turks’ asses in 1660, marched into Paris to be presented to King Louis XIV. They were wearing brightly colored silk handkerchiefs around their necks, which was probably a custom borrowed from the cloths worn by Roman orators to warm the vocal chords.

King Louis, a fashion-minded guy, was so taken with the colorful adornments that he created his own Regiment of Royal Cravattes (the word cravat, being derivative of the word Croat), the members of which decorated their necks, as did the Croats. The practice of wearing these damnable things traveled to England and eventually to the United States, thank you very much.

Who among us hasn’t cursed a blue streak, when trying to dress in time to make an appointment, has had to tie and re-tie the damned necktie a half dozen times to get the length of the front and back pieces just right so as to be the proper distance from one’s belt? Why??? The only “rational” reason I have ever heard for wearing a tie is that it hides the buttons on one’s shirt. This strikes me as tie-industry baloney, because what’s so bad about buttons?

Fortunately, I don’t have to wear the damned things anywhere near as often as
I used to, which suits me just fine.

Oh, and a final word to the Croats and their multi-hued neck rags. Bite me!

For a bit of history of this cursed fashion accessory, see here and here.

Earlier today I actually saw the Tallest Dog in the Blogosphere, the Big Kahuna himself, Glenn Reynolds, the InstaPundit. I saw him as I entered the smallish but brightly lit room. He was looking at the wall opposite him, and appeared not to have noticed me.

Nevertheless, I realized that this could be my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to speak to the Ultimate Blogmeister:

Jimbo: “Holy Crap! You’re Glenn Reynolds, the Instapundit!!! Lawyer and Law Professor, right? That is sooooo cool. I’m a lawyer too! Really! No kidding! This is so cool; I can’t believe it. Oh, and you’re a guitar player! I know that, because I read you all the time. I play guitar too!! You brother is in a rock band. I read that too!! I played drums for years in a rock band!! Isn’t that wild? If you and your bro ever feel like jammin’ I could lay in the drum part, or play some guitar. I’d be happy to do that. And your blog….Wow!! A gazillion hits per day. That is really terrific. I have a blog too. I’m Jim from Parkw……”

Glenn: (turns head in my direction) “Can’t you see I’m trying to take a leak here?”

Jimbo: “Oh, sorry. Never mind.”

Glenn: (resumes looking straight ahead) Heh. Indeed.

As I was shopping at the local supermarket, I was quite surprised to see Jeff Goldstein, the amazing blogger at Protein Wisdom, standing in the produce aisle. He appeared to be staring intensely at the McIntosh apples on display. I decided to introduce myself.

Jimbo: “Excuse me. Aren’t you Jeff Goldstein of Protein Wisdom?”

Jeff: (turns toward me)

Jimbo: “I’m Jim from Parkw…..”

Jeff: “You look a lot like my deadbeat neighbor.”

Jimbo: “Never mind.”

Jeff: (turns back to the produce) “So, where were we before we were interrupted by that Vulgarian?”